


Risks And All

by faiczn



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Dreamies as Designers, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Just full of fluff and very soft, Light Angst, M/M, Past One-Sided Markren, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26334694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faiczn/pseuds/faiczn
Summary: Renjun had been going through the motion for five years after graduating from the university. Suddenly he got offer(s) he couldn't refuse and his life took a completely different turn. He couldn't say he didn't enjoy it.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno
Comments: 64
Kudos: 333





	1. Seoul

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to finish all three chapters before posting it, but I only managed to finish 1,5 before caving in lol
> 
> This story is set in two cities in South Korea, Seoul and Sinwon. Seoul is obviously real, but Sinwon is completely made up. It's based on a real town in Indonesia, with added details from my limited knowledge about small town in Korea (mostly from variety shows, dramas and films). I will talk more about it in chapter 2 hehe.
> 
> This story is an ode to the late 20 year olds, who was stuck in a job they hate because they need the income, who dream of taking a risk and get the freedom they crave. Hope we all get to live it one day.

“Renjun, it’s 7 PM, you should go home.”

Renjun looked up from his computer screen and saw his boss raising his eyebrows at him. He nodded quickly and clicked the save button in his file before packing up his stuff. Five minutes later, he walked out of the office toward the subway station with Frank Ocean’s song played out of his earphone.

He seamlessly blended among the countless city workers, sporting the same dull black outfit everyone was wearing as the unspoken uniform. His eyes glued to his phone screen as he waited on the platform, before the same bored voice he heard everyday announcing the arrival of the train and he pocketed his phone until he was safely boarded inside.

Nowness' latest videos filled Renjun’s time until the train was approaching his station. He stopped by a convenience store to buy a bottle of soju on the way home. The part-timer, a young guy who was probably still in college, smiled and nodded politely as he approached the checkout counter. He nodded back and muttered a thank you after paying his purchase. The guy must have recognized him, since he came here at least two times a week, but he didn’t see any point in making a conversation.

Dinner was the last batch of stir fry chicken Renjun prepped last weekend. Renjun found out about meal prep on Youtube and he had been doing it for a whole month. It saved quite a lot of time and money, so he planned to continue doing it.

After dinner and shower, Renjun turned on the tv and watched the new season of a series he had been following for a few hours. When he was younger, he used to stay up all night long to do this, but he knew his limit now. The television was turned off just after midnight.

Before turning off the light, he poured himself a shot of soju and took the glass to the bed. He scrolled his Instagram feed as he sipped the alcohol slowly. Shutting down his thoughts got really hard at night lately so Renjun had been taking a shot to help him relax.

Sleep took over his consciousness a few minutes later.

***

The alarm woke Renjun up right at seven in the morning. He stayed on the bed for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling, dreading the thought of going through the motion for another day. Instead, he procrastinated by scrolling through his Instagram feed.

Mark posted a story after a long time. His picture, grinning at the camera, was right beside Renjun’s own at the top of his feed. He wondered how Mark was doing in the US. Is he still working under that hotshot architect in Los Angeles?

His thumb hovered over his screen for a second, before he finally opened Mark’s story. A picture of a bare workstation in a studio, devoid of any personal belongings, then a bare bedroom. Is he moving somewhere?

A small part of him wished Mark was moving back here, surprising himself. He got over his silly crush on Mark ages ago, after the older guy moved back to the US for graduate school three years back. Mark hadn’t even been on his mind for a very long time.

Not that Renjun didn’t miss him.

With an exaggerated sigh, Renjun finally forced himself to get out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. He left his apartment building less than an hour later, carrying a tumbler full of coffee. Sometimes he read the news while he waited for the train, sometimes he remembered to pick up the ebook he hadn’t finished, but today he just scrolled through Mark’s Instagram page.

He stopped at the picture Mark posted on his graduation. Mark was standing at the center, looking dashing in his suit and graduation gown. His arms were holding both Renjun and Jeno’s shoulders who were standing next to him, while Chenle, Jaemin, Jisung and Donghyuck surrounded them with the same brilliant smile.

God, Renjun missed those days, when all seven of them were living together in the house owned by Mark’s grandparents. The memories of his classmates at the Interior Design department were a blur, but the memories of his six housemates were still vivid like it just happened yesterday. The laughs, the pranks, even the fights. His life these days was so dull compared to the fun he had back then.

Renjun hopped out of the train and strolled to his office leisurely. He was the first to arrive as usual. After turning on the lights, he sat down at his desk and turned on his computer. His boss came in and they exchanged a polite ‘good morning’. He put his phone down and diverted his attention back to his computer. The ceiling detail he had been working on since yesterday stared back at him through the screen.

When did designing start to turn into a routine, Renjun wondered. This was supposed to be a creative profession, but lately he felt like a robotic drafter instead, rehashing the same drawings with only slight variations over and over again. The drawings almost bored him to death by the lunch break, but at least all his tasks for the week were pretty much done. He checked his messages while he followed his colleagues out of the office for a meal.

52 notifications from Dream House group chat, finally resurrected after being left for dead for almost a year. Renjun skimmed through the messages. Mark was moving back home, this time for good. Everyone, except Renjun, seemed to know already and Renjun couldn’t help feeling left out. He shook that thought off. It wasn’t like he ever tried to reach out to Mark first. He had no right to feel offended. Even the closest friends grew apart, Renjun had come to accept it as he got older.

Separation crept on them gradually, as they finished their education and chased after the jobs offer and career opportunities. Jeno was the first to move out, right after his graduation. Then Donghyuck got a job in Jeju, followed by Jaemin who got a job on the opposite side of the city. When Mark left for graduate school and even Jisung was approaching graduation, Renjun was finally forced to find his own place.

The five of them who were still living in the same city promised to meet regularly, but the gap between every hang out eventually got wider and wider. These days, Renjun only met Jaemin and, ironically, Jeno once a month, at the very least.

The rest of the messages were just them figuring out when they were all available to meet. Renjun was always available so he told them he would follow everyone’s schedule. The other five were pretty much willing to drop everything to hang out together, though. So they settled on a plan to meet this Saturday at Chenle's place.

For the first time in weeks, Renjun actually had something to look forward to on the weekend. He felt like such a hermit for having that thought. He went out, sometimes. A visit to an art exhibition last month. Brunch with Jaemin a couple of weeks ago. Company dinner last week. Most of the time, he preferred to stay at home on the weekend. He had always been a homebody anyway.

Jeno texted him privately while he was having lunch, ‘I’m coming to Seoul today, can I stay at yours?’. Renjun didn’t think much about it before sending, ‘Sure’. Jeno told him he would arrive around 8 in the evening. He said he brought some food from his mother.

When he got back from lunch, his boss checked the drawings he had finished. Thankfully, he only needed to do minor revisions before he could leave for the day. He hurried home, because Jeno would arrive soon. He just stepped into the shower when Jeno knocked on his door. Fearing he would keep Jeno waiting too long, he wrapped the towel on his waist and walked out of the bathroom to let him in.

The look on Jeno's face when Renjun appeared made him regret his decision. His eyes slowly scanned Renjun’s bare chest down to his stomach, still wet from the shower. Renjun turned his head away, too flustered to say anything about it.

“Come in,” Renjun held the door open. Jeno stepped into the foyer and Renjun closed the door hastily.

“Let me finish showering first,” Renjun murmured and actually ran into the bathroom. He only remembered he didn’t bring any clothes when he was drying his body after showering. He sighed and covered his lower body with the towel before walking out. Jeno was lying down on his bed, already wearing his pajamas, looking like he actually lives here.

“I didn’t bring any clothes,” Renjun didn’t know why he felt the need to explain himself. This was his own damn apartment.

“Okay,” Jeno nodded and looked down to his phone again. Renjun walked to his wardrobe and pulled out a t-shirt, a boxer and a pair of sweatpants. Jeno’s eyes followed his every move, but when Renjun turned his head toward his direction, he averted his gaze right away.

“Do you mind?” Renjun raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, sorry,” Jeno murmured, eyes down and cheeks flushed.

Renjun huffed and put on the clothes as fast as he could. He started to ask Jeno about dinner right away to chase away the awkwardness.

“My mom packed kimchi and some banchan for you,” Jeno pointed at the boxes on the pantry counter with his chin.

“Tell your mom thank you.”

“Tell her yourself.”

Renjun made a mental note to call Jeno’s mom later, before asking, “Should we eat this?”

“I had it for lunch, let’s just order something,” Jeno shook his head. Jeno always wanted to order food he couldn’t get in Sinwon every time he came to Seoul.

“You order,” Renjun scoffed. “I already have food .”

“Why?” Jeno whined.

“Because it’ll be a waste if I don’t eat it.”

Half an hour later, they sat down on the carpet to eat while watching Little Forest on the television. Renjun had chicken pesto pasta and Jeno bought pizza he had been craving. They ended up sharing their food as usual.

“You met a client today?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, two clients actually,” Jeno answered after swallowing his pizza.

He had been managing his family’s furniture business in Sinwon since he graduated. This past year they got a lot of clients from Seoul, thanks to a feature in a television show—courtesy of Jisung who worked as a producer in a broadcasting station. That was why he came down here at least once every month.

“Should we tidy up first?” Jeno asked, when they finished their meal. Renjun nodded before pausing the film.

After they cleaned up and washed the dishes, Renjun brushed his teeth in the bathroom with the door opened. As expected, Jeno joined him, carrying his own toothbrush. Their eyes met in the mirror, but no one addressed the tension in the room.

This was routine. They did it every time Jeno came over. What came next, however, was unpredictable.

Renjun washed his mouth quickly and slipped behind Jeno to step out. He sat on the bed, leaning on the headboard and buried his legs inside the blanket. Jeno walked out, fingers running through his damp hair, the neckline of his shirt hanging dangerously low on his shoulder. Renjun felt his mouth dried up.

“Where should I sleep?” Jeno asked, trying to be nonchalant but Renjun knew him too well. He was throwing his bait and Renjun didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Not too fast anyway.

“Let’s finish the film first,” Renjun shrugged. Jeno hummed and settled on the floor slowly, as if waiting for Renjun to stop him. Renjun played the play button without a single care.

They were only halfway through the film, so there was still about an hour left. Renjun was genuinely still interested in the film, but Jeno kept fidgeting in front of him, obviously distracted. It started to drive Renjun crazy.

Maybe he should stop beating around the bush. It would happen eventually anyway, they knew they both wanted it. There was a reason why Jeno always stayed in Renjun’s place, instead of Chenle or Jaemin.

Renjun paused the film for the second time and turned off the television. Jeno turned around so fast, Renjun was afraid his neck would snap.

“Can you turn off the light?” Renjun mumbled, flustered by the palpable hunger in Jeno’s eyes.

“Of course,” Jeno crooned in a low voice, sending a tingle down Renjun’s spine. Jeno got up and walked up to the switch button relaxedly, knowing he would get what he wanted soon enough. In one smooth motion, he discarded his shirt as he approached Renjun on the bed. Renjun cursed under his breath, eyes stared at Jeno’s chiseled body shamelessly.

“You too,” Jeno said, cocking his head toward him. Renjun took off his shirt and pants without a word. Jeno watched with a smug smile as he untied his own pants and let them fall on the floor. “Why bother putting on clothes, Renjun?”

“You want this or not?” Renjun rolled his eyes.

“How do you want me?” Jeno asked in a polite mockery. Renjun snorted and pulled Jeno closer, chasing his lips. Jeno met him in the middle, crashing onto him, pressing their bodies together. Renjun could feel all of him, head to toe, arms and thighs caging him in.

It was always like this. Dizzying kisses, swept of tongues, feverish touches. His skin came alive, burning with every stroke. All of his sensitive spots were methodically caressed with a measured aim to take his breath away. Renjun writhed frantically, rolling his hips upward for friction, fingers digging into Jeno’s nape, demanding more.

“Jen…” Renjun moaned, throwing his head back and letting Jeno mark his neck, his hands caressing his bare stomach.

“More?” Jeno whispered right in his ear. Renjun hummed deliriously, didn’t even know what he was asking.

“Yes,” Renjun hated how needy he sounded, but he couldn’t help it. “Jen, fuck me.”

Renjun could hear the grin in Jeno’s voice as he pulled down the last piece of fabric Renjun was wearing.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

***

It was Renjun’s birthday earlier in the year. Jeno had a meeting in Renjun’s neighborhood and they agreed to meet after work. Renjun wanted to go home and order for food delivery, but Jeno convinced him to have dinner in a trendy restaurant nearby. In hindsight, Renjun suspected Jeno was the one who wanted to try the restaurant, his birthday was just a convenient coincidence.

“You can’t stay home on your birthday,” Jeno clicked his tongue in pity.

“I still have to work tomorrow,” Renjun sighed.

“Come on, live a little.”

Renjun gave in and let Jeno drag him to the restaurant first, then to the club later. Two glasses of wine and two shots of tequila later, Renjun felt like floating. He latched onto Jeno, leaning onto his chest, or else he would fall over.

With Jeno’s arms wrapped around him, Renjun swayed on the dance floor like his life depended on it. He hadn’t been this close with anyone for a long time and alcohol in his blood took away his good judgement. For the first time since they knew each other, Renjun wanted him.

Chin up, arms around his neck, Renjun looked at Jeno directly in the eyes. One look was enough to find out that Jeno wanted him just as much. Renjun pressed closer, closing the distance between them, sighing as Jeno palmed the swell of his ass and gave it a little squeeze. Renjun might have moaned directly into Jeno’s ear and next thing he knew, Jeno was devouring his lips and grinded against him shamelessly.

“Let’s go to your place,” Jeno urged.

In the course of two hours, they hailed a taxi to Renjun’s place, made out in the elevator, stripped all their clothes as soon as the door to Renjun’s studio was closed behind them. Too impatient, Renjun blew him right in the foyer. Jeno returned the favor with his fingers later on his bed.

Renjun woke up early the following morning, wrapped in Jeno’s arms, both still buck naked from last night. He almost wanted to bolt right away, he could use work as an excuse, but he knew it was a shitty move. Ghosting someone he considered one of his closest friends for ten years didn’t sit right with his conscience.

What should I do, Renjun asked himself. Hooking up with a friend seemed to be a recipe for a disaster. The concept of a friend with benefits never really fit Renjun’s personality. He would not be able to keep it casual if they continued down this path.

He stared at Jeno’s face, his long eyelashes and high nose. Even during the height of his crush on Mark, he knew Jeno was handsome. He wasn’t blind, thank you very much. And, last night, Renjun had to take a deep breath to calm himself down, Jeno was no less than the hottest guy Renjun had ever had a pleasure to spend the night with.

But Jeno was his friend and he didn’t want to lose him just because he was too horny to find another guy to hook up with.

Slowly, Renjun pulled Jeno’s arms away and slipped out of the bed. He took a shower, meticulously rinsed off Jeno’s scent from his skin. When he got out of the bathroom, already wearing his work outfit, Jeno was awake, sitting on the bed with the blanket thrown around his hips carelessly.

Renjun came to a halt. No one said anything, as they avoided each other’s eyes for what it felt like forever.

“I don’t regret it,” Jeno suddenly stated. Renjun bursted out laughing and the tension between them disappeared into thin air. Jeno chuckled lightheartedly, as if they were talking about what to eat for breakfast. “It was great.”

“Yeah, it was great for me too,” Renjun chimed, trying to be nonchalant, even though his cheeks warmed at his praise.

“I sense a but…” Jeno tilted his head cutely, like an overgrown puppy he always was.

“I think it should just be a one time thing,” Renjun said.

“Why? You’re afraid you’ll catch feelings or something?” Jeno chuckled as if the idea was completely absurd.

“Honestly, yes,” Renjun sighed. When Jeno raised his eyebrows in surprise, he hurriedly added, “You know me, I don’t really do casual sex, especially with a friend.”

Jeno must have known what he referred to. There was a period of time in their university days when Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck were fooling around with each other, but Renjun always refused to take part in their little sexual experiments.

“I thought that was because you liked Mark hyung,” Jeno grinned teasingly. Renjun rolled his eyes. His friends would never let him live down the fact that he used to have a crush on Mark, even after three fucking years.

“So you won’t sleep with me again?” Jeno concluded. Renjun nodded firmly. “Even though you kept begging for more last night?”

“Fuck you,” Renjun stuttered, blushing furiously. The image suddenly projected into his brain, clear as day. Jeno’s naked body on top of him, pinning him down as his fingers slowly grinded into him, stroking him and Renjun begging him to give him more, harder, deeper.

“I will, if you let me,” Jeno smirked. Renjun raised his fist, threatening to hit him jokingly. Jeno raised his hands in a mock surrender, giggling.

“Jokes aside, though, I can’t sleep with guys in Sinwon,” Jeno said as his expression turned more somber. “I can only do it in Seoul and it’ll be really…” Jeno paused to find an appropriate word, “...comfortable with you.”

The price to pay when you choose to live in a small town as a queer person. Renjun found his strong resolution started to crack with sympathy. _It’s not like you have plenty of guys to fuck, Huang Renjun_ , the small voice inside his brain whispered temptation. _When was the last time you fuck anyone anyway?_

“You can sleep with another guy, Jen, it’s not like you’ll have a hard time finding one,” Renjun said. Jeno was hot as fuck, he would have so many men lining up to spend time with him as soon as he opened Grindr.

“Yeah, but, it was better with you,” Jeno shrugged. The sweet words really didn’t help his case here.

“Stop saying things like that,” Renjun groaned.

“Also I can stay in your place afterward,” Jeno added, grinning shamelessly.

“Just say that’s the only thing you’re after,” Renjun snorted, silently scouring his brain to find another excuse. “Why can’t you do it with Jaemin?”

“We’re not really compatible, sexually,” Jeno said diplomatically. When Renjun raised his eyebrows, Jeno finally elaborated, “We’re both top.”

"Right,” Renjun scoffed.

“Yeah, I mean, that’s what I’m comfortable with, but you can fuck me if you want,” Jeno shrugged nonchalantly, making Renjun flustered again.

“I’m not…” Renjun snapped in bewilderment, but he just shook his head and sighed exaggeratedly. His eyes darted to the clock on his nightstand. Only an hour left before he had to arrive at the office.

“Let’s just talk later. I have to go to work.”

“Can I still stay here everytime I come to Seoul?” Jeno asked, eyes widened deliberately to make himself look cuter. Renjun threw him an incredulous look and nodded without losing a beat.

“Of course.”

Jeno’s eyes disappeared into two half-moons, the top of his lip curved upward into a smile. They dropped the topic at that and Renjun hurriedly got ready to leave.

They didn’t talk about it until Jeno came to Seoul a month later, right on his birthday. Renjun asked what he wanted as a gift and regretted it right away when Jeno answered birthday sex without even an ounce of shame. Not even an hour later, Jeno pushed him against the wall in his studio, mauling the soft skin on the curve of his neck.

“What if I started to like you?” Renjun challenged. “Will you break my heart?”

“We’ll stop before that happens.” Jeno scoffed dismissively.

Both of them would say anything in this haze of lust, Renjun was aware of it. However, he had been in the particular haze for the whole month, imagining Jeno on top of him, in him. His own fingers and toys weren’t enough anymore and Jeno was more than willing to fuck him senseless. How could Renjun say no?

So Renjun let Jeno carry him to the bed and strip him off all of his clothing. Jeno’s fingers were inside him in no time, working him open as he panted onto his own arm, too embarrassed to let Jeno see him fall apart.

“Come on, I’m ready,” Renjun groaned.

They finally locked eyes right after Jeno positioned himself between Renjun’s thighs, spreading them wider. The noises coming out of his mouth as Jeno settled inside him might make the neighbor file a complaint later but he didn’t care.

If the first time was great, the second time was downright out of this world. They fucked for what it felt like hours, until their entire bodies trembled and their legs wobbled from all the straining movements.

This time both of them were completely sober.

***

“Renjun-ah…” Someone kept shaking his body, trying to wake him up. Renjun groaned and covered his face with the blanket, refusing to open his eyes.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Jeno whispered.

“Fuck off,” Renjun grumbled. Jeno cuddled closer, covering Renjun’s body with his limbs like a starfish. With a disbelief sigh, Renjun pushed the other man away. The childlike gesture used to be endearing, but the man was 29 years old. Surely, at some point, he would realize he was too old to be this clingy.

“Let’s have some pancakes, I’ll pay,” Jeno suggested.

“As you should,” Renjun grunted, finally opening his eyes just to push Jeno’s arms away. “But we’re meeting the guys for lunch, we don’t need to eat before.”

“But I’ve been craving it for a month,” Jeno whined while giving him puppy eyes as usual. “Let’s just share a portion.”

“Okay,” Renjun sighed. “You take a shower first. I have to clean up.”

Jeno rolled over Renjun, earning himself a smack on the ass and locked himself in the bathroom. Renjun made the bed, air the room and got ready to leave in an hour, while Jeno played a racing game on his phone.

“A little help would be nice, you know,” Renjun chided as they put on their shoes in the foyer.

“I’ll wash the sheet tomorrow,” Jeno smirked suggestively. Renjun rolled his eyes.

Visiting a little cafe called Abba in his neighborhood was becoming their morning-after ritual. It was a perfect place for a brunch, good food and quiet place, owned by a middle-age couple who used to work in a bank. Renjun particularly loved their endless playlist of sappy 80s songs.

This was their third visit and somewhere in the corner of his brain, a small concern was raised regarding establishing an unnecessary habit with someone he wasn’t dating, but the pancake in the cafe was too damn delicious to pass.

So Renjun ignored the concern and chose to do it anyway, just like every little thing included in his arrangement with Jeno. The fact that Jeno was living in Sinwon created enough distance between them. They don’t really talk in between their monthly affairs, as he preferred, and their dynamic hadn’t really changed, still filled with sarcastic jokes and teasing.

Most importantly, though, the sex was too good to give up.

“I miss this, can’t find this in Sinwon,” Jeno moaned softly as soon as the pancake entered his mouth. Renjun wrinkled his nose at the obscene noises Jeno made.

“Make it yourself, then,” Renjun advised. Jeno snorted as they both knew he could not cook even if his life depended on it.

“Here,” Jeno cut a piece and fed it to him. This was starting to feel like a date. Renjun sipped his coffee to distract himself from the thought.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to ask, did Mark hyung talk to you?” Jeno suddenly asked. “He said he would.”

Renjun shook his head. “About what?”

“He got a project in Sinwon. It’s a guesthouse,” Jeno gushed, obviously excited. “I think he wants to ask you to design it with him.”

“He hasn’t said anything to me,” Renjun shrugged, trying to be casual about it even though he was still annoyed for being left out.

“He only told me a few weeks ago,” Jeno hurriedly explained, obviously picking up Renjun’s mood shift. “He’s going to stay there for the project, so he’s looking for a place.”

“I haven’t talked to him in almost a year, actually,” Renjun said honestly.

“Why not?” Jeno asked carefully.

Because Renjun didn’t want to contact Mark unless it was absolutely necessary. At first, it was his effort to move on from the older man, then it started to get awkward between them after losing contact for too long. At this point, he just didn’t know what to say to Mark.

“Do you still like him?” Jeno prodded when Renjun didn’t say anything. There was no hint of teasing in Jeno’s voice. He was actually curious.

“No,” Renjun tried to keep his voice steady, lest Jeno would think he was lying. Jeno raised his eyebrows in disbelief, but Renjun kept his expression neutral.

“Do you even date anyone after he left?” Jeno asked. The answer was no but Jeno didn’t need to know that. He only had a couple of one night stands—the actual headcount was less than a dozen for five whole years.

“Of course, I date,” Renjun scoffed.

“You know I only need to ask Jaemin to find out if you're lying or not, right?” Jeno threatened casually.

“You know I can ask the same thing about you?” Renjun narrowed his eyes. Not surprisingly, he didn’t really know the answer. Jeno’s last boyfriend that he actually met was a guy named Doyoung—or Doyoon? The memory was kinda blurred.

“Or we can just tell each other,” Jeno chuckled.

“I date, but no one stuck around,” Renjun insisted, still keeping it as general as he could so he wasn’t outright lying.

“I don’t,” Jeno confessed nonchalantly. “Don’t think it’s sustainable, with me still living 10 minutes from my parents who still don’t know I’m gay.”

“You should move further away,” Renjun said with sympathy.

“I think you’re supposed to say I should tell them,” Jeno snorted.

“No, are you crazy?” Renjun laughed joylessly. “I told my parents, look where I end up.”

His parents disowned him after he came out to them when they visited Seoul for his graduation. Renjun decided to stay in this city and abandoned his whole past in the country where he grew up.

“Sorry,” Jeno murmured.

“It’s fine,” Renjun shrugged. It had been five years. The raw pain already turned numb, just another memory he would rather not think about, preferably ever.

Their pancakes and coffee were finished in no time. Jeno paid for their meal as Renjun waited outside, scrolling through his Instagram feed absent-mindedly.

“Are you okay?” Jeno looked concerned. Renjun gave him a wistful smile and nothing else.

“I should’ve moved to Taiwan, not here,” Renjun suddenly told Jeno after they boarded the bus to Chenle’s apartment. “I can actually marry a guy over there.”

“We wouldn’t have met then,” Jeno mumbled under his breath, sending a twinge straight to Renjun’s heart. Who was he kidding anyway? Even if he could go back in time, he still would choose the six of them, his chosen family.

Silently, Renjun held Jeno’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. Jeno turned his head toward him and smiled softly. Renjun kinda wanted to kiss him right then and there, surprising himself. What a really weird mood, he thought to himself.

“Do you tell anyone about us?” Renjun asked after they stepped inside the lift in Chenle’s apartment building.

“No, should I?” Jeno raised his eyebrows.

“God, no.” Even the thought of Jaemin and Donghyuck finding out already made him shivered. They still teased him about Mark and Renjun really didn’t want to give them more material to embarrass himself.

“I feel like we’re having an affair or something,” Jeno snorted.

Mark was the one who opened the door when they arrived. Even in his 30 years of age, Mark somehow still retained his boyish look with his short black hair and gullible eyes. Jeno rushed to give their hyung a tight hug, making him complain that it actually hurt.

Then, Mark’s eyes fell on Renjun, making his poor heart beat a little faster. He was just nervous, he convinced himself.

There was a few seconds of hesitation before Mark smiled softly and pulled Renjun into a hug, stroking his hair with unbridled affection. The doubt about their relationship was mutual. Maybe Mark thought Renjun was mad at him this whole time. Suddenly, he felt bad for selfishly distancing himself and keeping Mark in the dark.

“Welcome home, hyung,” Renjun murmured onto his shoulder, as the fruity perfume Mark liked to wear so much filled his senses. The scent he always associated with nostalgia and lingering feelings.

“Good to see you,” Mark whispered, sighing with relief after confirming that, yes, they were okay.

When they pulled away, Jeno was still standing there, staring at them with an amused look in his eyes. Renjun glared at him before he even opened his mouth.

“How are you?” Mark asked, arm still circling around Renjun’s shoulder as he guided him inside.

“Same, as always,” Renjun shrugged.

“Still at MAPS?” Mark mentioned the name of the design consultant Renjun was working at. Renjun nodded. “Not bored yet?”

Renjun chuckled. “I’m always bored.”

They joined the other four in the living room. Donghyuck and Jisung were playing a game on Chenle’s fancy console. The homeowner himself was watching behind them, yelling tips and instructions. Jaemin lay on his side on the sofa, playing with his phone.

“Injunnie!” Jaemin sat up and patted the sofa next to him, while Chenle, Donghyuck and Jisung mumbled their greetings, didn’t even bother to look at him. Renjun slumped down beside Jaemin, before getting pushed by Jeno who forced himself between both of them.

“You came together?” Jaemin asked.

“Yeah, I stayed in Renjun’s place last night” Jeno answered before Renjun could give him a warning look. The way Jaemin’s eyes lingered at their faces a tad too long made Renjun nervous, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“What are we eating?”

“Kimchi stew,” Donghyuck chimed in, prompting a chorus of objection from the two youngest who liked to be annoying just because. Refused to be upstage, Donghyuck stuck out his tongue, “Well, too bad, I’m cooking so I decide.”

“Kimchi stew sounded nice, actually,” Mark said, still the nicest among all of them.

Without a word, Renjun and Jaemin got up to help Donghyuck in the kitchen. It was a system established after years of living together. The three of them in the kitchen, Chenle and Mark on the grill, lastly, the most useless in the cooking process, Jeno and Jisung would be washing the dishes after they were done.

The conversation never died down even while their hands were busy. Updates about each other's life, projects they were working on, how their family was doing, insults and jokes in between. It was amazing how their rapport never changed, even with a year long break.

Renjun brought the marinated pork to the outdoor terrace where Mark and Chenle were tending the grill.

“Hyung, can you watch this?” Chenle called out to Renjun in a hurry. He took the tong and stood next to Mark while Chenle rushed to the bathroom.

“Jeno told me about the project,” Renjun asked casually.

“Oh, yeah…” Mark chuckled awkwardly, pausing for a second as if unsure where to start. “So, you remember my cousin, Johnny? His family owned land in Sinwon, on the foot of Madae Mountain. It’s quite big, about three thousand square meters. They wanted to build a guesthouse there.”

“You’re designing it?”

“And managing it, at least for the first few years,” Mark grimaced when Renjun’s eyes widened with surprise. “Yeah, it’s quite overwhelming.”

Renjun hummed, nodding his head as he checked the meat, waiting for Mark to actually talk to him about joining the project.

“They’re all cooked, hyung,” Renjun told him gently as he moved all the meat to the plate and cut them into bite size with a scissor.

“I don’t know about your situation, but if you’re interested, I want you to join the project.” His words rushed right after another, as if he was afraid Renjun would refuse him if he took his time. When Renjun stayed quiet, Mark hurriedly added, “It will be a proper job, with monthly payment and health benefits, but you have to move to Sinwon with me.”

Frankly, it was the most exciting offer Renjun ever received in his whole career. Designing and managing his own project would be challenging, sure, but the creative freedom it entailed would make it all worth it. More importantly, the project would also provide him an escape from the monotonous cycle he had been living in Seoul.

“What do you think?” Mark cautioned.

“It’s interesting, for sure,” Renjun started carefully, even though he knew he would say yes nonetheless. “When do you think you’ll start?”

The wrinkles in Mark’s forehead finally disappeared as he visibly relaxed after hearing Renjun’s answer. Renjun hated himself a little for making him feel like he had to tiptoe around him.

“I can start designing as soon as possible. I’ll do it in Seoul, for the most part. I’ll move there when everything is ready to start the construction, so maybe a month or two from now?”

“Okay, so enough time for me to resign,” Renjun murmured to himself.

“Can I take it as a yes?” Mark raised his eyebrows.

“I mean, I have to talk to my boss first…” Renjun still didn’t want to explicitly say yes. “He’ll be pissed, for sure, I’m quitting all of a sudden…”

“I’ll take it as a yes, then,” Mark laughed and let out a relieved sigh.

“You don’t have to be so nervous around me, hyung,” Renjun finally said. The look in Mark’s eyes told him he felt the exact opposite.

“I mean… we haven’t really talked for a long time…” Mark fiddled with the chopstick in his hand.

“I know, I’m sorry...” Renjun pleaded, feeling really awful already.

“I just… I thought about you right away after Johnny hyung told me about this project, but I feel like I have to see you first to know if we’re, like, okay?” Mark shrugged.

“Yeah, of course, it’s just me, hyung,” Renjun hurriedly assured him. “We’re always okay.”

Mark observed his expression for a while and Renjun maintained eye contact to convince him, smiling a little. There was no doubt that Mark knew about his crush, no, feelings for him, but he feigned ignorance just to spare Renjun the humiliation, even after a year of radio silence.

His manner, full of consideration of other people around him, was what made Renjun fall in love with him in the first place and it was still evident at the moment. No hint of anger, just grateful that they were still friends.

“Okay…” Mark nodded, smiling softly. “Good, then.”

Renjun felt all tender inside, like all his past longing was exposed for Mark to see. The urge to hide was overwhelming but he stood his ground instead of running away like he always did. He owed it to Mark.

Chenle went back and they started grilling the new batch of marinated pork. Renjun fed both of them enough bites before taking a plate of grilled beef inside.

“Renjun…” Jeno sniffed the smell of beef and opened his mouth, asking for a bite. Renjun sighed and gave him a piece with his hand because there was no chopstick. Jeno took it, sucking his fingers in the process.

“Yah,” Renjun frowned, looking around to make sure no one paid them any attention.

“What? I thought you’ll be mad,” Jeno scoffed, disappointed by his reaction. Renjun just sighed and put the plate on the table so he could clean his hand with a tissue.

“You’re okay?” Jeno raised his eyebrows, instead of teasing like usual.

“I’m fine,” Renjun said and went back to the kitchen.

They finally sat down to eat half an hour later, downing soju with their meal in the middle of the day, followed by a nap on the fluffy carpet in the living room. All seven of them, limbs linked, bodies on top of each other like old times.

“Should we all visit Sinwon, then?” Donghyuck asked after Mark talked about his project.

“Yeah, you all can sleep in my house,” Jeno said.

“I can’t believe you actually bought a house,” Jaemin mused. “Like, you’re really an adult now.”

“Hyung, I got a house for years now,” Chenle said.

“Dude, you’re, like, a chaebol,” Jisung snorted.

“Right, you don’t count,” Jaemin giggled.

Wait a minute. If Renjun moved to Sinwon, Jeno’s hometown, they would probably meet everyday instead of once a month. On top of that, they would be working together. If hooking up with a friend was treading dangerous water, hooking up with a colleague would be off-limit.

Renjun casted a glance at Jeno who was cuddling up to Jaemin beside him. It was a shame, really, to end it so soon. They really had a lot of fun together.

He curled up, closed his eyes and fell asleep like that. When he woke up, it was dark outside. Mark was still sleeping on the sofa. Donghyuck and Jeno lay down on his side. He got up and saw Jaemin smoking outside.

“Hi,” Renjun settled beside him.

“Want some?” Jaemin offered him the blunt. Renjun took a drag, inhaled it slowly, before giving it back.

“I talked to Mark,” Renjun said.

Jaemin hummed in amusement. “Did you confess?”

“No,” Renjun scoffed. “I didn’t need to, he already knew.”

“So you two are okay now?”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

Jaemin lit up another blunt and they shared it between them, watching the busy city below them. Silence rested between them like a warm blanket, comfortable like any other. Maybe that was why Renjun always went to Jaemin if he needed someone to talk to.

“I’m seeing a girl,” Jaemin mentioned casually.

“Yeah? Where did you meet?”

“On a photo shoot. She’s a model.” Jaemin worked as a fashion photographer and he regularly got a gig from magazines and local fashion brands.

“What’s her name?”

“Min Hanna.”

“I’m looking her up.” Renjun pulled out his phone and got her Instagram page in no time. She wasn’t a traditional beauty, but attractive nonetheless, alluring, to be precise.

“It’s been a month. We meet almost everyday at this point. I’m thinking of asking her if she wants to be exclusive.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?”

“Yeah.”

“I hope it’ll go well.”

“Thank you,” Jaemin grinned. “What about you?”

Renjun considered coming clean for a second, but decided against it. He was going to end it with Jeno anyway.

“I’ve been hooking up with this guy,” Renjun told him, avoiding the specifics. “We only met once a month.”

“Was it good?” Jaemin teased.

“The sex is amazing,” Renjun chuckled. “But, I don’t think it will work out.”

“Just enjoy it while it lasts, then,” Jaemin smirked suggestively. Renjun had no doubt he would. In fact, he should wake the said guy and take him home so they could fuck all night long.

“Are you sleeping over?” Renjun asked.

“No, I’m meeting Hanna after this.” Jaemin shook his head.

“Okay, I’ll go home too, I think,” Renjun stretched his arms. He walked back in and peeked inside Chenle’s bedroom where he and Jisung were still napping on the bed.

“ _Chenle, I’m going home,”_ Renjun told him in Mandarin.

 _“Yeah,”_ Chenle only grunted.

“ _Thank you, yeah? I’ll see you soon.”_

Chenle just waved his hand as an answer. Renjun patted his leg and left the room. Jeno already woke up, staring blankly at the ceiling. Renjun nudged on his leg gently.

“Should we go?” He asked. Jeno said he needed to go to the bathroom first so Renjun sat down again, just beside the sofa.

“You’re leaving?” Mark’s voice was heavy with sleep.

“Yeah, you’re sleeping over?” Renjun asked.

“Don’t know yet,” he shrugged.

“Renjun, come on,” Jeno called out to him.

“We’ll talk later, okay? I’ll call you,” Mark messed with his hair fondly. The gesture used to make him all weak in the knees, but he felt nothing now. The affection was still there, but it’s calmer now, a gentle drizzle instead of stormy weather.

“Okay, hyung. See you later,” Renjun nodded.

They said goodbye to everyone and went back to Renjun’s place. Jeno didn’t say much, he fell asleep on Renjun’s shoulder on the way. Once they got to his studio, Renjun slumped onto the bed immediately.

He just woke up from a nap less than an hour ago, but he felt completely drained. The exhaustion was more on the psychological side, like he took an emotional roller coaster all through the day. The anxiety he had regarding Mark just crashed onto him like waves, over and over.

“Make some space,” Jeno poked on his waist. Renjun shifted slightly and snuggled up to Jeno as soon as he joined him on the bed, melted under his touch, filling up the nook below his chin, inside his arms. Every fiber of his being relaxed, relishing the affections Jeno always ready to give.

“Can we take it slow tonight?” Renjun whispered.

“We could just cuddle if you want,” Jeno murmured into his hair. “I know you’ve been feeling down today.”

“No, just…” Renjun tilted his chin up, silently asking for Jeno to look at him.

“What?” Jeno’s tone was gentle, almost like a lover. The intensity in his eyes pulled him in and he wanted nothing more than to drown, losing himself in it.

“Come here.”

Jeno obliged easily, cupping his cheeks and leaned in closer. Renjun sighed softly as their lips met, tongue rolled inside his mouth. His fingers on his nape, his back, his stomach under the shirt. His temperature rose up as Jeno kissed his way down to his neck, marking him up good.

“You’re burning up,” Jeno teased, obviously delighted. Renjun could only hum in response, finally pulling his shirt over his head. Jeno smiled, caressing his chest, thumbing over his nipple.

“Jen…” Renjun moaned, crashing their lips together. He swung his legs over Jeno, straddling him then grinding his hips down, making Jeno’s breath hitched with desire.

“You look sexy like this,” Jeno said in a low voice, stroking his thighs.

“Can I ride you?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Jeno nodded excitedly. “Anything you want.”

It was different that night. No rush, no race to their orgasm. They moved slowly, leisurely, like they had all the time in the world. Renjun was always on the receiving end before and he returned the favor enthusiastically, worshipping Jeno’s body like he deserved, touching and kissing him everywhere until his muscles were taut from restraining himself.

After that Renjun put on a show opening himself, refusing Jeno’s offer to help, writhing and moaning Jeno’s name while he watched in clear hunger.

“Renjun, please…” Jeno whined.

Renjun thought it was all worth it as he sank down, letting Jeno fill him up, moaning with each thrust. Jeno’s fingers slithered up and down on his thighs and ass, grounding him.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Jeno groaned, bucking up his hips to meet him in the middle. With his eyes closed and head thrown back, Renjun rolled his hips to find the right angle and moaned softly as he hit the sweet spot.

“Jen, here, here,” Renjun drooped down all the way to the hilt. Jeno fastened his pace, until Renjun’s thighs trembled while trying to keep up.

“Slower,” Renjun cried out, wanting to drag this out as long as possible.

“You want me to fuck you longer?” Jeno teased.

“Yes,” Renjun sighed, as Jeno started to move again, sending Renjun into a blubbering mess, alternating between cursing and begging for more.

“Jen, can you… “

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

“Okay, wait,” Jeno sat up slowly so he could stay inside him. He wrapped his arms around Renjun’s body before latching their lips together for a languid kiss. They even stopped moving their hips so they could make out some more.

When they started to move again, Jeno just let him set the pace, obviously putting his pleasure above his own. Renjun didn’t think any man was ever this patience for him before, not even his ex boyfriend back in university.

“Is it good?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah,” Jeno gasped when Renjun clenched as he bucked up. “Fuck, you’ll make me come like this.”

“No,” Renjun whined. “Not yet.”

“So needy tonight,” Jeno scoffed as he peppered Renjun’s neck with kisses. His hand circled around his length purposefully.

“Don’t,” Renjun slapped his hand away.

“Why not?” Jeno whined, planting more open mouthed kisses on his collarbone.

“Patience,” Renjun swayed his hips as he rolled down and Jeno groaned deliciously, his breath hot on Renjun’s neck.

“Renjun-ah...” Jeno pleaded. His voice was hoarse with lust, panting as he fastened his pace. “Please…”

There was something about it, Jeno begging for his release as he wrapped around him, that disarmed Renjun more than anything, making him greedier, hungrier.

“Okay,” Renjun finally caved in, ran his fingers through Jeno’s hair tenderly. “Do your thing, then.”

They changed position so Jeno would be able to pound into him easier. He was relentless after they settled, hitting the particularly sensitive spot inside him, chasing Renjun’s pleasure as much as his own. Renjun murmured little praises into his ear, reaching behind Jeno’s nape and pulling him closer for a filthy kiss as he clenched harder to help Jeno get higher and higher.

“Renjun.. ah.. fuck…”

Renjun watched Jeno’s face as he came so hard, spilling out his warmth inside him. His eyes were shut close and his mouth parted open, letting out obscene noises that put pornstar to shame. His whole body tensed up and Renjun felt oddly satisfied for pushing him over the edge like that, even though he hadn’t got off himself.

“That was so good, baby,” Jeno whispered. “You feel so good.”

Renjun moaned when he felt Jeno’s hand reaching for his cock, pumping him up so fast, his toes curled up from the intensity. He came with Jeno’s name on his lips, chanting like a prayer.

When they finally looked at each other, it was almost like they were in love. They naturally found each other’s lips, gave in to the needs to kiss, to touch. It was so intimate and sensual, definitely crossing yet another line, but Renjun could not care less. This was their last night together and they could do whatever they wanted. No restriction whatsoever.

Jeno dumped the condom in the trash and fetched them a glass of water which they shared before lying down next to him. Renjun rolled closer, nibbling his ear absent-mindedly.

“Again?” Renjun asked.

“Of course,” Jeno grinned.

After another round, Renjun had no energy left. He fell asleep right after his head touched the pillow, completely missed the moment Jeno kissed his forehead and whispered him good night.

***

Renjun was glad he woke up first in the morning. He slipped out of Jeno’s embrace and crawled down the bed. Shower and clean clothes helped him regain some resemblance of reason. He made himself a cup of jasmine tea and sat down on the carpet, facing Jeno who was still sleeping soundly.

Last night felt like a distance dream. A very beautiful dream, but a dream, nonetheless. He had to go back to reality somehow, where he would like to keep their decade long friendship intact. So, whatever it was going on between them, it would end today.

Jeno finally stirred awake, smiling as soon as he saw Renjun. He reached up his hand, asking him to come closer.

“What?” Renjun scoffed, didn’t move an inch. The smile on Jeno’s face faltered slowly, like the end of the movie faded out to black.

“What’s wrong?” Jeno asked. Renjun didn’t answer.

“Can we talk?” Renjun asked back instead. The silence that followed was tense. It felt especially ironic after such a wonderful night. They both knew what was coming, but he still felt less than prepared for it.

“Okay, let me put some clothes first.”

Renjun got up and sat on the kitchen stool, with his back facing Jeno. When he turned around, Jeno was sitting on the bed, already wearing his t-shirt and boxer.

Renjun sighed, bracing himself for the talk. He couldn’t look at Jeno so he focused on his cup, circling the rim nervously.

“I think we should stop,” Renjun said. He wanted to see his reaction, but too scared to even throw a glance in his direction.

“Is it because of Mark?” Jeno asked.

“What?” Renjun was so shocked, he looked up and locked eyes with Jeno. The man was frowning, eyebrows furrowed with annoyance. Renjun almost laughed with disbelief, but he gulped it down lest he want to make Jeno angrier. “No, what the fuck? I’m over him.”

“What changed, then?” Jeno demanded.

“I’m moving to Sinwon, then we’re going to work together,” Renjun couldn’t believe he had to spell it out for him. “We should stop before…”

“Before what?” Jeno cut him impatiently.

“I don’t know, someone gets hurt?” Renjun snorted. _It’s me, I’m that someone._ “You said we’ll stop before I start to like you!”

Jeno froze and Renjun regretted what he said instantly, expecting a lighthearted teasing as usual. What he didn’t see coming, though, was the faint blush on Jeno’s cheeks.

“Do you like me?” Jeno asked in shock.

“No!” Renjun snapped, almost too forcefully. “I said _before_ I start to like you.”

“Right…” Jeno sighed, looking almost disappointed. Renjun didn’t know what to feel about that. In fact, he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling for Jeno, or rather, if there was any feeling at all between them.

“It’s the right thing to do,” Renjun tried again, wanting to convince himself more than anyone.

“It just feels like this is coming out of nowhere. I mean, last night we were…” Jeno gestured vaguely. They found each other’s eyes, both blushed and averted their gaze right away, no doubt thinking about last night.

This was bad. They were acting like teenagers, having sex for the first time. It was too much, his conversation with Mark yesterday then whatever the fuck happened with Jeno last night. Renjun just wanted to be alone with his own thoughts so he could figure out his feelings. Because there was no way in hell he could do that with Jeno around.

“You have to go home today anyway and we don’t know when we will see each other again, so let’s just take our time and think about it, okay?” Renjun concluded with finality, leaving no room to discuss the topic any further.

“Sure,” Jeno shrugged, even though he clearly didn’t agree. That was not Renjun’s problem so he ignored him.

“Okay, get up, then, I have to wash the sheet,” Renjun told him.

“I’ll do it,” Jeno said curtly. “You can take a shower first.”

Jeno was definitely sulking, but Renjun really had no other way to alleviate the tension. Maybe they could talk later, after they took time apart from each other.

They took turns taking the shower. Renjun cooked them fried rice and egg while he was in the bathroom. They didn’t really talk, even while they were having breakfast together. Jeno’s mom called while they were eating, so Renjun asked to speak to her so he could thank her for the food.

Renjun talked to Jeno’s mom plenty of times before, but it felt different now, especially when he did it while they were having breakfast after spending the night together. The domesticity of this all just freaked Renjun out a little bit.

“Hm? Yeah, I’m leaving in a bit. I’ll get home in the afternoon,” Jeno talked in local dialect when he talked to his mom. It was endearing to hear if Renjun wasn’t panicking inside.

“I’ll wash the dishes,” Jeno said after they were done.

“It’s okay, I’ll do it,” Renjun hurriedly stopped him. Jeno sighed and got up to pack his stuff.

“I’m leaving,” Jeno told him as he walked to the foyer to put on his shoes. Renjun nodded, hovering behind him, not knowing what to say. Jeno stood up and turned around to face him right before he left.

“Can we…” He hesitated for a second, eyes darting around the room, looking everywhere but Renjun’s face. “Can I get a hug, at least?”

Renjun gulped down, didn’t even stop to consider it before answering, “Okay.”

Renjun couldn’t even look Jeno in the eyes as he wrapped his arm around his waist, pulling him closer, sending tingles all around him. The smell of his perfume swirled around them, woody and amber, alluring and intoxicating.

Renjun looked up and it was a mistake because Jeno’s lips were literally right in his face. Fuck. Jeno leaned closer and Renjun met him midway, couldn’t help sighing into his mouth as their lips touched. He felt lightheaded, gripping onto Jeno’s shoulders for purchase, as he deepened the kiss, licking his way into his mouth. He almost whimpered, completely surrendered under his demanding touch.

Jeno finally pulled away after a few minutes, or years, Renjun didn’t even know. His smirk was completely smug as he let Renjun go and took a step back.

“We’ll talk later,” he said.

“Yeah,” Renjun was shamefully breathless and maybe even a little hard from the kiss. Jeno got out of the studio without another word and Renjun had to lean on the wall to stop himself from collapsing on the floor.

Fuck, he cursed himself. That didn’t help at all.

Renjun dragged himself to his bed, slumped on top of it. His pillow still smelled like Jeno. Pulling the blanket over himself, Renjun curled his body, imagining Jeno’s arms around him, his warmth against him.

He missed him already.


	2. Sinwon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun and Mark visited Jeno's hometown for the guesthouse project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy writing this chapter (might be my favorite piece of fiction I had ever written so far). It's based on my personal experience as a designer and an urbanite who stayed and worked in a remote village temporarily. I tried to avoid technical term, but do tell me if any of the words are too difficult to understand, I'll try and edit them.
> 
> Beside all that designer stuff, this chapter is just pure fluff hehe, just Jeno being persistent, Renjun being too weak to say no and Mark being his usual awkward self. I hope you guys enjoy reading it just as much as I did writing it :)

Monday came and Renjun was reminded that his life, in fact, did not revolve around Jeno. He went to work, even more bored than usual now that he had another job prospect. The only thing kept him going was that he was going to see Mark after work to talk about the project.

Mark was staying at his grandparents’ house, their old boarding house and Renjun met him there. After they all moved out, it was turned into a hostel. The old living room was divided into the hostel lobby and common room. The interior was pretty much the same, just different furniture, inciting a sense of nostalgia when they settled at one of the tables.

They talked about all the details first, Renjun’s job description, salary, and all that technicalities. Mark was pretty candid with Renjun, telling him his tasks would go beyond designing. He would essentially co-manage the project with Mark.

“Frankly, I never really did this before, so we both have to learn on the job,” Mark grinned. The challenges made Renjun nervous, although in a good way. “But, we always work well together, so it’ll be fine.”

Renjun thought about the small projects he and Mark used to do on the side right after he graduated, usually just designing apartments or small cafes. This project was surely a huge leap compared to those.

“I know this is quite sudden. You have to quit your job and move out of town, so you could just take all the time you need. You don’t have to start at the same time as me, you can join later,” Mark assured him.

“No, it’s fine, really. I’ve been really bored at my job anyway, but I don’t have the gut to look for other opportunities with my situation," Renjun shrugged.

If not for Mark, Renjun would not dare to go out of his comfort zone by himself, so Renjun was grateful that Mark offered him this opportunity, really. 

Since he lost his safety net right after he graduated with no money saved, it was only about survival for him. He rarely splurged, he never traveled anywhere. After paying for utilities and rent, all his money went to savings and emergency funds. Five years later, maybe it was time for him to take a breather and finally indulge himself, risks and all.

“I’ll give my notice this week,” Renjun said firmly.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Mark nodded. “I sent the site drawings to your email already, you can start researching the area if you want. I’m going over there on the weekend, you should come with.”

“Of course,” Renjun nodded. 

After they got all the boring stuff out of the way, they started to discuss the design direction and the concept Mark had in mind. They showed each other all the existing projects that might fit the concept and inspire their own design. For the first time in a long while, a new project made him actually excited. He continued his own research at home, even started sketching some of his own ideas.

When the sketchbook was closed up and the laptop was turned off, when he lay down to rest for the night, he finally allowed his thought to wander to the man he shared the bed with just two nights ago. What was he doing? Did he think about him? Would it be weird if he texted him?

Yes, it would be weird, they never even texted before.

Renjun sighed and closed his eyes. An hour later, when he was still nowhere near asleep, he downed a shot of soju, then another. He finally passed out way after midnight.

***

Mark and Renjun continuously shared their ideas all through the week, even meeting every other day to talk about it further. On Friday, Renjun gave his resignation letter to his boss at MAPS. He didn’t seem to be surprised at all and wished Renjun the best for his new endeavours.

Mark slept over in his place so they could leave for Sinwon as early as possible in the morning. Renjun felt bad for making Mark sleep on the carpet, but he assured him he was okay.

“Sorry, I don’t have a futon,” Renjun murmured to him one more time after they both lay down on their respective sleeping area.

“It’s fine,” Mark scoffed, before lightly joking, “I thought you have one since Jeno said he stays here all the time.”

“Huh?” Renjun was glad the light was out because he was pretty flustered, to say the least. “Yeah, he does.”

“Did he sleep on the floor too?” Mark asked, probably innocently.

“Yeah,” Renjun lied easily.

If Mark sensed something was wrong, he didn’t say anything about it. Renjun’s phone chimed, announcing a text. He saw Jeno’s name on his screen and immediately rolled on his side, hiding from Mark.

Jeno (10:04 PM) : What time are you coming tomorrow?

Renjun (10:05 PM) : We’re leaving at 7, so maybe around 11

Jeno (10:05 PM) : Okay

Jeno (10:05 PM) : So have you thought about it?

Renjun (10:06 PM) : About what?

Jeno (10:06 PM) : You know what, come on

Renjun (10:07 PM) : I haven’t changed my mind

Jeno (10:07 PM) : Maybe you will after we meet

Renjun (10:08 PM) : Don’t do anything in front of Mark

Jeno (10:08 PM) : You said you’re over him

Renjun (10:09 PM) : I AM, how many times do I have to tell you??

Jeno (10:10 PM) : But you still don’t want him to find out we’ve been hooking up?

Renjun (10:10 PM) : I don’t want anyone to find out, not just Mark

Renjun (10:11 PM) : Also, he’s like my boss now, so don’t try anything funny

Jeno (10:20 PM) : I’m not promising anything

Renjun (10:20 PM) : YAH

***

Mark bought a car in the first week he moved back to the country. It was nothing fancy, it was a used car and not even a new model, but the fact that he could spend such big money on a whim stunned Renjun nonetheless.

Mark came from money, it was not news for him. Definitely not at Chenle’s level, but his family was comfortable. It was evident from the considerable amount of properties they owned across the country. Mark never took it for granted, though, he always worked hard, both at work and school. 

Renjun sometimes wondered how his life would turn out if his parents didn’t disown him. Would he move back to China? Would his career take a different turn if he could afford taking a risk? Would he be able to go to graduate school like Mark?

That was his plan when he was still a student, working for two or three years, then applying for graduate school, preferably in Europe. He even had a list of the universities he wanted to go to. It all went to waste now.

“Renjun-ah.”

“Yeah?” Renjun snapped out of his daydream. He turned to face Mark who was driving.

“Can you ask Jeno for his house location?” Mark asked. “We’ll be out of the highway in a minute.”

“Okay, wait,” Renjun pulled out his phone and called Jeno. He picked up at the first ring.

“Yeah, babe?” Jeno quipped, definitely grinning by the sound of his voice. The thing was Renjun’s phone was connected via bluetooth to the car speaker to play some music, so Mark heard what he said.

“Did he call you babe?” Mark chuckled.

“You’re on speaker,” Renjun was flustered and immediately turned off his bluetooth in panic. 

“Why? Did Mark hear what I said?” Jeno teased, thankfully when Renjun was the only one who could hear him. Mark was still laughing beside him. Renjun took a deep breath to calm himself.

“Can you send me your house location?” Renjun ignored him.

“Sure, I’ll text you,” Jeno said.

“Ok, we’ll get there soon.”

“See you soon.” 

Renjun was pretty sure he was blushing furiously, so he just looked down on his phone and told Mark where to go without even looking at him.

“So you and Jeno, huh?” Mark giggled in an utter glee. “No wonder he keeps staying in your place.”

“No,” Renjun sighed, still trying to deny it.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Are you guys dating?” Mark kept prodding, obviously ignoring his denial.

“No, we’re not!” Renjun chided, a little too desperately.

“Since when?” Mark really would not let this go. Renjun sighed exaggeratedly.

“Turn right, hyung.” Renjun tried to change the topic.

“I mean, it’s fine if you are, as long as it doesn’t hinder your work.”

“We were just hooking up, it’s nothing,” Renjun finally relented with another sigh. “Beside, we ended it already.”

“I thought you don’t hook up with your friends?” Mark mused, raising his eyebrows. How come even Mark knew about this? Did he go around and say that to everyone?

“Yeah, that’s why we stopped,” Renjun scoffed. Mark hummed in amusement.

“If you say so,” he said.

They arrived at Jeno's parents house, which was located behind the family’s furniture workshop which was named Studio Sesal. The workshop had been really improved since the last they came here, which was the summer after Mark’s graduation. The wooden building looked great from outside and they could see the furniture displayed inside through the glass wall.

“What a cool name,” Mark commented right away as they passed the workshop’s signage and parked in front of the building. “Do you know what a sesal is?”

“No.” Renjun shook his head.

“The wooden crosshatch pattern in hanok doors,” Mark was giddy with the knowledge. “When we came here last time, they didn’t have that signage, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t think the workshop was even named.” 

“Jeno must’ve done all that.”

Renjun remembered Jeno was the only one who knew exactly what he was going to do after graduation, upgrading his family’s business. That was why he chose Product Design as his major, focusing on furniture and lightings. His effort and hardwork for the business could be clearly seen just from the building alone.

Jeno appeared from behind the wooden gates beside the workshop, waving at them. They got out of the car and walked up to him. Jeno gave Mark an enthusiastic hug as usual and told him to go toward the house. Mark threw Renjun a meaningful glance and walked ahead to give the two of them a moment alone.

“Hi,” Jeno’s smile turned softer as his eyes fell on Renjun. He really should have cringed from the cheesiness but he swooned instead when Jeno pulled him into a hug. The same scent Jeno left behind in his pillows filled his sense and he leaned into him unconsciously, trying to memorize it again.

“Still want to hug?” Jeno asked when Renjun wouldn’t let him go.

“No,” Renjun hurriedly took a step back.

“Okay,” Jeno snickered, eyes twinkled with delight.

“Mark knew about us, now, thanks to you,” Renjun chided, although with no hostility.

“Oh yeah? What did you say to him?” Jeno exclaimed excitedly, to Renjun’s dismay.

“That it’s over,” Renjun snorted. 

He didn’t wait for Jeno before approaching Mark who was sitting on top of the wooden platform placed in front of Jeno’s parents’ house. Renjun took off his shoes and sat beside him while Jeno went back inside. Various dishes that Renjun didn’t know the name of already filled the tables, including three bowls of noodles with milky white soup.

“What did you do back there?” Mark teased again.

“Hyung, please,” Renjun sighed. Mark didn’t push it, but a wide grin still plastered on his face. Jeno finally joined them, carrying a pitcher of cold barley tea and three glasses for them.

“Where’s your parents?” Mark asked, looking uneasy for not greeting them right away, being the well-mannered man that he was.

“Town meeting,” Jeno answered. 

“Your sister?” Mark asked again.

“She’s married, hyung. She lives in Busan now,” Jeno gestured for them to start eating. “You all came to the wedding!”

“Oh right,” Mark chuckled. “I forgot, sorry.” 

Renjun mixed his noodles and started to dig in. He was surprised to find that the soup was made from soy milk.

“Is this soy milk?” Renjun asked. He never had this kind of noodle before, despite already living in the country for a decade.

“Yeah, we have this every week every summer,” Jeno grinned. “It’s good right?”

It was surprisingly tasty even though Renjun wasn’t used to the combination of flavor. Also, the cold meal really helped to ease off the summer heat.

“Hyung, I already talked to the owner of the house you wanted to see, we can look around the house this afternoon,” Jeno told him as they ate.

“Is it far from here?” Mark asked.

“It’s closer to the site, about half an hour from here,” Jeno explained.

“Oh, I thought we’re already close,” Renjun chimed in.

“No, the site is at the foot of the mountain, in Suwol Valley, we have to go over the hills to get there.”

If the pictures he saw on the internet did the valley any justice, it was utterly beautiful. Renjun could not wait to see the landscape in person.

“Do you have many visitors on the weekend over here?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, we only started to get visitors in the last two, three years. It will only grow from here, I think,” Jeno said. “We even got a few visitors from Seoul, sometimes. That’s why we built the showroom.”

“It’s the right time to build a guesthouse, then,” Mark grinned.

They finished their lunch quickly, cleaned up the dishes and jumped in the car right after. Jeno drove the car since he knew the way. The way to the valley was to literally climb over the hill, so they went upward, through the thick of the forest. 

The air was cool and clear, even in the peak of summer. The sound of nature, accompanied by the soft R&B songs from Mark’s playlist, filled the lulls. Renjun almost fell asleep on the back seat before Jeno parked the car on the roadside.

“Come on, you have to see this,” Jeno told them before stepping out of the car. Jeno led them to the viewing deck and presented the gorgeous view for them.

“Whoa,” Mark gasped. Renjun shared the sentiment as he swept his gaze around the landscape. 

They were at the highest point of the hill, overlooking the valley. Small houses scattered across the lowland with rice paddies in the center, surrounded by green hills, protruding toward the sky. The majestic Madae Mountain loomed in the background, the tallest peak in town.

“How come you didn’t take us here when we visited before?” Renjun asked, no, complained.

“You guys wanted to go to the beach,” Jeno shrugged. 

“It’s so beautiful,” Mark was still speechless.

“You could see the whole thing from the other side as well, I’ll take you there,” Jeno pointed at the hill on the opposite side.

They took a lot of pictures before continuing the drive, down the hill through the rice paddies they saw from above before. Jeno took a turn on a smaller road, before stopping at the end of it. They arrived at the site where the guesthouse would be built later.

They went around the huge chunk of land, observing where the best views were to decide the position of buildings and carefully marked the spots on the site drawing they bought. Mark then took out the drone to take videos around the site, while Renjun took pictures with his camera.

Jeno followed Renjun around, making appropriate noises every time he commented on something he found interesting and answering all his questions patiently. Renjun thought he would try to touch him again when Mark walked away to the opposite side of the site, but Jeno kept his distance even when they were strolling side by side.

The sun was at the highest when they finally got back to the car. Thankfully Jeno packed a tumbler of cold barley tea and they shared it between them.

“Kinda want an ice cream,” Mark murmured as Jeno started to drive the car away.

“We can stop at a shop on the way,” Jeno said.

“Where we’re going now?” Renjun asked.

“The hill I told you about,” Jeno grinned.

Jeno parked the car by a small shop on the main road. With ice cream in their hands, they walked through the small alley toward the hill. The way in was through a small complex of empty hanoks, preserved as a heritage site. Both Mark and Renjun were distracted by the buildings, taking their time observing the details and craftsmanship of the older generations.

“It’s centuries old, I’m not sure the exact year,” Jeno answered when Mark asked about when the hanoks were built.

At the back of the complex was a set of stairs leading up to the small hill. They climbed up excitedly, racing each other like a couple of kids. As they reached the crest of the hill, the unobstructed view to the valley unfolded before their eyes.

If it was beautiful from the other side, it was breathtaking from up here. Colorful rice paddies at the various states of ripeness blanketed the land below, creating a beautiful checkered pattern. The slope of the surrounding hills, sculpted by the forces of nature created a mesmerizing fort around them. Renjun just wanted to sit down and watch the landscape all day long, letting the breeze lull him to sleep. Somewhere behind him, Mark played a Hyukoh song befitting the moment.

_Sitting on the sunshine, sunshine is over me. She gets over me, make us feel alive_

Jeno sat down on the ground beside him, a little too close, even though there was so much space to sit on. He stretched his arms and let them rest behind Renjun, nudging his back. Renjun should have scooted away, but the valley in front of them, the song, the breeze, was just too comfortable. He couldn’t possibly put up his guard at this kind of place.

“You’ve been here a lot?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah,” Jeno answered.

“Does it take your breath away each time?” 

“It does get old when you live so close by.”

Renjun hummed and hugged his knees together, still couldn’t take his eyes off the scenery.

“But, sometimes you get a new perspective and you start to appreciate the things you thought you’re used to in a new way.”

That was an odd thing to say. Renjun turned to face Jeno, ready to mock him but Jeno was already staring at him. No hint of teasing or amusement in his eyes. Quite the contrary, his eyes were open and sincere. Renjun got a feeling Jeno wasn’t talking about the landscape anymore.

“Um,” Renjun’s words evaporated from his brain.

“Should we go, guys?” Mark called out to them.

“Yeah, hyung, should we go visit the house?” Jeno already got up. Renjun lingered for a minute, taking a mental and literal picture of the valley, before following them to the car.

The house was a hanok, perched onto the slope of the hill overlooking the Madae Mountain. The owner of the house, a middle aged woman, was waiting for them when they got there. 

“Annyonghaseyo, ahjumma,” Jeno bowed to her as soon as they got out of the car. The lady smiled and waved her hand impatiently. Mark walked up to her and extended his hand politely.

“Annyeonghaseyo, I’m Lee Minhyung,” Mark introduced himself, using his Korean name instead, shaking her hands.

“I’m Huang Renjun,” Renjun shook her hands next.

“I’m Kwon Mija,” The lady smiled sweetly before gesturing toward the house. “You can look around.”

It was small, but cozy, with two bedrooms, living room and kitchen, all adjacent to each other. It didn’t lack any of the utilities modern houses commonly possessed, but the traditional design features make it prettier. Renjun fell in love right away.

“There is a small garden on the side and a chicken coop, you can take the vegetables and eggs. I hired a guy to tend to them twice a week, but you have to help water the plants and feed the chicken, is that okay?” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Mark grinned hurriedly. “What do you think, Renjun-ah?”

“I like it,” Renjun agreed at once. They discussed the leasing term for a while. Mark did all the talking, Renjun tuned it out immediately. He thought about his own place in Seoul and what he should do about the leasing instead. He should call his real estate agent on Monday.

Mark sat on the back seat when they got back to the car, saying he wanted to take a nap, but he smirked at Renjun behind Jeno’s back. Mark is such a dork sometimes, Renjun thought, like who does he think he’s fooling?

Jeno grinned as Renjun climbed the seat beside him. Renjun looked out of the window all through the drive. Mac Ayres crooned softly through the speakers. Mark really thought he was slick with his song’s choice.

_I spent the whole night driving home, just wishing you would call and tell me, to turn around like I ain't done with what I started, babe. Finally think I'm starting with you. Can I start with you, oh? How do I get to you again?_

Maybe he was thinking of Jeno the whole time. Even if the man was sitting right beside him.

Jeno parked the car in an empty lot by the roadside before they reached his parents’ house. When Renjun threw him a questioning look, he said, “It’s my house.”

Tucked inside the small alley between two houses was Jeno’s house, painted white with green roofs. Three cats were played around the courtyard. Mark approached them excitedly but all of them ran away as he came closer, cozied up to Jeno’s legs instead. Mark turned to Jeno, pouting.

He opened the front door for them and took off his sandals before walking into the living room. Open kitchen with a small dining table on the left side, the guest room and bathroom in the center and Jeno’s bedroom on the right.

They only dropped off their bags in the living room before walking to Jeno’s parents house for afternoon snacks. Jeno’s parents were drinking on the wooden platform when they arrived. A small stove was laid down on the platform, with scallion pancake sizzling on the pan. A kettle of rice wine rested on the table, with two full cups beside it.

“Annyeonghaseyo, ahjumma, ahjussi.” Mark and Renjun bowed politely as they approached closer.

“Minhyungie, Injunnie, come join us!” Jeno’s dad waved excitedly. They gladly took the cups of rice wine and snacked on the crispy scallion pancakes. 

Mark was drunk by the second cup, but Renjun held on—much to Jeno’s dad delight, since Jeno stopped drinking after his first cup because he said ‘someone has to find the way to my house’. His dad was just as cute as the son, red in the face when he was drunk, giggling loudly. His mom was the more composed one, rolling her eyes like she had enough with her husband’s antics.

Jeno opened up the workshop so Renjun and Mark could look around. He reached for the desk first and pulled out a box of name cards from the drawer. _Lee Jeno, Creative Director of Studio Sesal_ , it said.

“Director?” Renjun teased, raising his eyebrows. Jeno giggled, cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, so new clients wouldn’t underestimate me for being so young,” he said, shrugging.

Jeno took Renjun around the showroom, explaining the products and the concept behind it. Mark tried to trail behind them, but at some point, he sat down on one of the chairs, slumped against the backrest.

“Last one, you have to see this,” Jeno reached behind Renjun’s waist, excitedly. It was a half done coffee table, made from some kind of laminated wood. The wood was stacked carefully to create a checkered pattern, each grid was different colored, green, yellow and brown.

“Is this…?” Renjun touched the wood, turned to face Jeno with awe.

“Yeah, laminated bamboo,” Jeno grinned. “I used local variety, from various ages, hence the different colors.”

“You must've been inspired by the rice paddies in Suwol Valley?” Renjun asked.

“Yeah, that’s the idea, but the green bamboo is too brittle, because it’s not matured enough,” Jeno clicked his tongue. “Maybe I should use a different variety.”

“It’s beautiful, though,” Renjun complimented easily.

“Thanks,” Jeno beamed. Their eyes were still locked together, no words were exchanged but somehow they could communicate what they thought about anyway. Jeno’s passion for his work and Renjun’s admiration for it.

Jeno leaned closer slightly and Renjun thought he would kiss him. He wanted them to kiss. They were so close, he could almost taste him and his plump lips against his. Jeno straightened his back instead and cocked his head toward the door.

“We should go, before it gets dark,” Jeno cleared his throat.

“Right. Sure,” Renjun nodded quickly.

Jeno scooped Mark up, supporting his staggering stance. They said goodbye to Jeno’s parents and headed to Jeno’s house.

The sunset was beautiful that afternoon, a perfect blend of orange, red and purple. Renjun kept looking at the sky on the way to Jeno’s house. Walking ahead of him, Jeno guided Mark by the shoulders so the older man wouldn’t suddenly stray toward the oncoming cars.

Jeno led Mark to the guest room and told him to take a nap. Mark complied easily, too drunk to do anything else anyway.

“Where do you want to sleep?” Jeno asked Renjun casually. “The guest room only had a single bed, so you can sleep in my room if you don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Renjun nodded nonchalantly. It was fine. They slept on the same bed plenty of time before they started hooking up. Nothing ever happened for ten years. They could easily go back to that time, before any of this happened.

“You can lie down if you want. I’m taking a shower.”

“Okay.”

Jeno entered the bathroom and Renjun opened the door to his bedroom. It looked like Jeno designed every single furniture inside. All wood, with simple but sturdy design. A huge working desk was placed in the corner, with his over-the-top gaming computer and sketch papers scattered on top the empty spaces on his desk. A hanging lamp, made from bamboo weaves, lighted the working space.

On his nightstand, Renjun recognized a stack of laminated bamboo from the table he was designing back at the workshop. It seemed like he used the failed prototype as coasters. Cute.

His pants were dirty after sitting on the ground earlier, so he changed into pajamas before sitting down on the bed, leaning back to the headboard. It was getting cold, so he unfolded the blanket and covered his legs with it. The blanket smelled like lemongrass. Maybe Jeno’s shampoo? At this point, he felt like he had a dedicated corner in his brain just for Jeno’s various scents.

The last of the sunset still adorned the sky, visible through the window. What a privilege to have this beautiful view right from your bed. He took a picture of it and posted it to his Instastory.

nanajaeminna : Are you in Siwon?

huang_ren_jun : Yeah, I’m Jeno’s house right now

nanajaeminna : So when are you going to tell me??

huang_ren_jun : What?

nanajaeminna : You and Jeno!!

huang_ren_jun : ???

nanajaeminna : Don’t play dumb

huang_ren_jun : Where tf you get the idea

nanajaeminna : He’s the one you’re hooking up with right? 

nanajaeminna : That’s why he keeps staying at your place

nanajaeminna : And now you’re in his house 

huang_ren_jun : I’m here with Mark, for the project. Remember?

nanajaeminna : I don’t believe you

huang_ren_jun : Just look at Mark’s story dude

huang_ren_jun : Also, me and jeno?? Come on jaem

nanajaeminna : you two are still sus

nanajaeminna : got my eyes on you bitch

“Who are you texting?”

Renjun was so startled, he dropped his phone. Jeno was leaning on the door frame, wearing black sleeveless top and shorts. His toned arms were raised to dry his hair with a towel. It was almost like he was posing for Renjun. Maybe he did. 

Renjun pointedly looked away and answered, “Jaemin.”

Jeno hummed and slowly walked toward the bed. If they were in Renjun’s place, Jeno would climb on top of him right at this moment and latched their lips together. The image already quickened Renjun’s heartbeat a little. He used to be okay not getting laid for months and now the sight of Jeno’s bare arms already made him horny, what the fuck.

Jeno crawled onto the bed and lay down next to him, like he was oblivious to Renjun’s sexual frustration. At least, Jeno kept his distance. It was fine. Renjun was an adult who had no problem controlling himself.

When Jeno reached over him to turn on the lamp on the nightstand, though, Renjun’s breath hitched with surprise. 

“Relax, I won’t jump you,” Jeno chuckled. Renjun rolled his eyes and didn’t grace him with an answer. “Unless you want me to, of course.”

“No, thanks,” Renjun snorted.

“Sure,” Jeno mused.

God must have been testing Renjun’s patience because Jeno rolled closer and rested his head on Renjun’s lap, eyes didn’t leave his phone screen where he was playing a game. Renjun looked up to the ceiling and took a couple of deep breaths.

“Dude, your hair is wet,” Renjun tried to be annoying.

“So?” Jeno raised his eyebrows.

 _Fuck you_ , Renjun cursed him.

“Can I ask you something?” Jeno suddenly said.

“What?” Renjun barked.

“Did you talk to Mark?” Jeno was trying to be nonchalant, but Renjun knew where this was going.

“About what?” Renjun still feigned ignorance.

“You know… your feelings…” Jeno put down his phone and looked up to him.

“Yeah, I did,” Renjun nodded. He considered how honest he should be for a second, but he didn’t want to leave any doubt on Jeno’s part since he kept questioning Renjun and Mark’s relationship. “I mean, I didn't explicitly tell him I liked him, but I didn’t need to. Mark already knew and it wasn’t like anything will change if I tell him. But, yeah, we worked it out, I guess. We’re okay now.”

“So, you’re over him?” Jeno asked for the nth time.

“I’ve been over him for a long time,” Renjun said matter-of-factly. This time, Jeno seemed to actually believe him.

“Why don’t you date anyone after him, then?”

How many questions about him Jeno harbored inside his mind, Renjun wondered. He would like to think they were close, but the truth was, Renjun was closer to Jaemin and Donghyuck for ten years. Funnily enough, Jeno was also closer to the other two. He knew for a fact that Jeno always went to Jaemin for advice, or if he just needed someone to talk to. Jeno and Renjun never really had a heart-to-heart talk before. At least, never just the two of them, alone.

“It was never my priority, I guess,” Renjun answered, because the real answer would take too long.

“You don’t want a relationship?”

“I do, just…” Renjun paused to organize his own thought. Maybe Jeno deserved the long answer. “After my parents disowned me, I could only think about myself. Like, dating wasn’t even on my mind. I don’t think I was even in my right mind, at that time. I wouldn’t fall in love with Mark if I was,” Renjun chuckled dryly. “Even after I pulled myself together, I just didn’t go out of my way looking for someone. Maybe I just got used to being alone. It’s easier, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jeno nodded and Renjun knew he wasn’t just saying it. Jeno really did understand.

“I wished I was around when your parents…” Jeno’s voice trailed off, full of hesitation. “I moved back here already, so I could not be any help to you.”

“It’s fine,” Renjun patted his hair fondly. “You had your own worry back then.”

“Yeah, but I still have my parents,” Jeno said in a small voice.

“Thank God, for that. Would never wish you had a fall out with your parents like me,” Renjun scoffed.

“Me too.”

“Do you think they will react badly if you tell them?” Renjun asked.

“I don’t know, I mean…” Jeno sighed. “Sometimes, I think, they will accept it, just to keep me in the business. I know they need me there.”

“Jeno-yah, they clearly love you, even without the business. Don’t put yourself down like that.” Renjun’s heart ached for him, for his insecurities that constrained him.

Their eyes met again and Renjun naturally opened his arms, offering a hug. Jeno got up and took it right away, burying his face on his chest with his arms around his waist. Renjun stroked his hair tenderly and Jeno leaned into his hand, like a cat asking to be pet.

“Renjun-ah…”

“Hm?”

“Can we not stop…” Jeno’s voice was muffled a little, but Renjun heard him clear as day. “We don’t have to have sex, just… just don’t push me away.”

Jeno must have picked up how Renjun’s poor heart beat faster and faster at his request. Because, contrary to what Jeno thought, sex wasn’t the problem for Renjun. It was the vulnerability that came with it. The feelings he could not get rid of. The increasing needs for Jeno’s presence and touch.

“Okay,” Renjun croaked. What else could he say?

“Really?” Jeno looked up, eyes widened with hope. Renjun could not resist the urge to cupped both of his cheeks and planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Jeno sighed softly, eyes fluttered prettily at the touch.

“Can I...” Jeno murmured.

“Yeah…” Renjun nodded before Jeno could articulate his words better. He would say yes to anything Jeno asked anyway. He circled his arms around Jeno’s neck as their lips met for the second time. They did it slowly, almost shyly, like it was their first kiss. 

The kiss wasn’t charged with sexual tension, wasn’t filthy with lust. It was almost like they only did it for the affections, for the assurance they both needed. Maybe because it was. Renjun could not deny it any longer. These feelings filled him to the brim already, it would overflow any second now. It would be free falling from here and he could only hope Jeno would be there to catch him.

“Hey guys…” Mark called out to them, only a few seconds before he peeked inside through the open door. Renjun could not pull away fast enough. Mark yelled, “OH MY GOD I’M SORRY!” before yeeted out of their line of sight.

Renjun groaned and buried his face on Jeno’s shoulders which were shaking with laughter. Glad that he could still find the whole thing funny, really.

“You should have closed the door,” Renjun scolded.

“And risk scaring you off?” Jeno snorted. “You looked like you’re ready to bolt everytime I got closer.”

Jeno really had no business saying things like that. His heart could not take it any longer.

“Okay, get off me, now,” Renjun patted his back.

“Why?” Jeno whined, nuzzled up his face on the crook of Renjun’s neck. Renjun sighed exaggeratedly.

“I want to take a shower.”

“Use my soap, then. The lemongrass one.”

Did he really have to say it like that? Renjun would use his soap nonetheless since the only toiletries he brought were his toothbrush and facial wash. 

“Okay,” Renjun said curtly. “Now get off me.”

Jeno chuckled and finally rolled away from him. Renjun took out his stuff from his bag and walked out of the room. Mark was sitting at the dining table, visibly cringed when their eyes met.

“I’m so sorry,” Mark said one more time.

“It’s fine, hyung,” Renjun assured him, even though his cheeks were probably completely red by now. They nodded to each other awkwardly before Renjun walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

***

After sobering up, Mark and Renjun opened their laptops and compiled all the data they got today. They checked the local building codes to determine the allowed building footprints. They also checked the sun path and the wind direction, before finally starting the massing study. Well, Mark did. Renjun had to wait for him to finish before he could start designing the interior.

While Mark worked, Renjun heated up the side dishes he found in Jeno’s fridge and cooked kimchi fried rice to complete the meal. Jeno sat at the dinner table, cutting up everything Renjun asked him to.

“So, there are a lot of bamboos here, Jeno-yah?” Renjun asked while he was cooking.

“Yeah, there’s an entire forest of it,” Jeno answered. “It grew faster than common timber, so it’s more sustainable, actually. Cheaper too.”

“I’m thinking of using bamboo as the main material for the guest house’s interior,” Renjun said. “I need to research it more, though.”

“Because of me?” Jeno beamed.

“Yeah, you kinda inspire me,” Renjun shrugged. Jeno jumped out of the chair and gave him a back hug. 

“Yah, yah, I’m cooking!” Renjun warned him. Jeno didn’t care and planted a wet kiss on his neck.

“Stop kissing where I can see you guys!” Mark yelped from the living room.

Mark called Johnny while they were having dinner. Johnny did a semester in their university when Renjun was still a freshman. They didn’t talk much, but Johnny was always friendly to him, to everyone, really.

“Morning, hyung!” Mark chirped happily.

“Morning…” Johnny’s voice was heavy with sleep. It must be so early in Chicago. “You’re earlier than my alarm, Minhyung-ah.”

“Sorry,” Mark chuckled, switching from English to Korean smoothly. “I’m in Sinwon now, by the way, with Renjun and Jeno.”

“Hi guys!” Johnny waved at them.

“Hi hyung!” Renjun and Jeno waved back to the screen.

Mark proceeded to tell him about the site and their plan for the design. Only a third area of the land can be turned into buildable area according to the building codes, which was common in mountainous areas. Mark wanted to break the buildings into smaller ones, in the style of a resort.

“A thousand square meters is how many square feet?” Johnny asked. Renjun rolled his eyes in the background. Americans and their imperial measurement system, really.

“About eleven thousands, hyung,” Mark answered readily.

“It’s still pretty big.”

“Yeah, we could fit about eight villas, maybe.”

“Maybe we could start with three or four, then we could go from there?” Johnny suggested. “I’ll start the business plan.”

“Yeah, I’ll finish the design first.”

Mark offered them a blunt after dinner, so they sat down on the elevated wooden porch and smoked leisurely. Jeno said he hadn’t heard of anyone selling weed in town, but there are mushrooms they could eat to get high. He told them he used to climb the hills to look for it with his friends in high school.

“I have to stock up everytime I go to Seoul, then,” Mark sighed heavily.

“Can this help you sleep better?” Renjun asked, pointing at the blunt. He never bought weed himself, always sharing one from Jaemin or Donghyuck. Maybe it would be healthier than shots of soju to make him sleep better.

“Of course,” Mark nodded. “The whole point of weed is to make you relax.”

“Why? You have trouble sleeping?” Jeno looked concerned.

“Sometimes,” Renjun shrugged.

“You always sleep well with me,” Jeno scoffed. Renjun sighed exasperatedly. He should have known Jeno would be this cheesy as soon as he got a chance. Jeno giggled cheekily, like he always did after he threw a bad joke.

“Jesus,” Mark groaned, covering his face with his palm. “You really make a guy feel single, huh?”

The implication that they were dating did not lose on Renjun. A hint of anxiety started to nag him at the back of his mind, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. It was fine. They were taking their time. No need to define the relationship right away. It was fine.

When his eyes met Jeno’s, the man smiled slightly and gave a little squeeze on his thigh, as if assuring him of his presence. God knows, he wanted to be convinced. More than anything, he wanted to feel safe and protected after persevering alone for so long. Still, it wasn’t that easy to trust someone and let his guard down, even if he already knew the person for a decade.

“Okaay, you can send heart eyes to each other in private now, I’m going back to work,” Mark stretched his arms and went back inside.

“Do you want to sleep now?” Jeno asked in a low voice after Mark was out of hearing.

“Yeah, but like, actually, sleep,” Renjun murmured. Jeno bursted out laughing, curled up his whole body toward him as he patted both of his cheeks to assure him.

“Sure, aigoo,” Jeno said.

Despite his outward reluctance, Renjun still cuddled up to Jeno as soon as they lay down on his bed later. Jeno hummed contentedly, brushed his lips on the top of his head for half a kiss. The gesture was so delicately tender and Renjun was on the verge of crying, overwhelmed by the sheer vulnerability.

“Why?” Jeno asked when Renjun didn’t say anything for a while.

“Nothing,” Renjun’s voice was shaky, but Jeno didn’t point it out. He just tightened his hug and stroked Renjun’s hair to soothe him. Renjun fell asleep with wet eyes and a fragile heart. His dream was filled with a warm-hearted man with gentle touches, who carried lemongrass fragrance everywhere he went.

***

“Text me when you arrived, okay?” Jeno told Renjun after all their stuff was packed into the car. They said goodbye to Jeno’s parents earlier when they came by for breakfast. The only thing left to do was say goodbye to Jeno, really. Mark even left them alone tactfully, didn’t even bother to give them an excuse this time.

Renjun nodded, hovered by the front door because he wanted a hug before he left, but didn’t know how to ask for it.

“What? Just say it,” Jeno prodded gently. Renjun huffed and wrapped his arms around Jeno before quickly letting go. Jeno chuckled and held the small of his back to stop him. “Not so fast.”

Jeno cupped his cheek and leaned in for a kiss. Renjun melted into him immediately, letting out soft moans when Jeno licked his lips. Jeno pulled away slightly and Renjun chased after his lips like a moth seeking a light.

Renjun kissed his smile one more time, just so he could remember how it felt against his lips, how it tasted on his tongue. A memory he wanted to carry with him when he was hundreds kilometers away, in the city full of lights.

“Go on,” Jeno whispered. “I’ll see you soon.”

Renjun nodded and walked out of his house. Forcing himself not to look back, he finally climbed into the car.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

No one said anything until they left Sinwon and drove onto the highway. Mark’s upbeat hip-hop playlist really didn’t match Renjun’s mood but he thought he would cry if he listened to any of those cheesy ass songs Mark played in the car yesterday, so good for Mark for trying to cheer him up.

“Hyung…” Renjun tried.

“Why?” Mark hummed.

“Why did you never ask the reason I didn’t talk to you for a year?” Renjun didn’t even know why he suddenly felt the need to ask Mark about it.

Mark considered it for a second, turning down the volume of the radio as if it would help him think.

“I thought you'd tell me yourself when you’re ready,” Mark cautioned.

“But you knew already, right? That I liked you.” Renjun realized as he was saying it, that he wanted to tie up all the loose ends and really said goodbye to his past. 

“Yeah..” Mark answered weakly. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong, hyung,” Renjun snorted.

“Does Jeno know?” Mark asked carefully. 

“Yeah, everyone knows.”

“Is it a problem? With Jeno I meant,” Mark sounded genuinely worried. Renjun gave him a firm “No”. Mark looked relieved, before saying, “Because you’re, like, together now, so I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” Renjun assured him in a small voice. His brain latched onto the word _together_ like a magnet. Him and Jeno. Together.

“So what’s going on with you two?” Mark finally nudged him to open up.

“I don’t know…” Renjun stammered even though he knew the answer. He just couldn’t say it out loud.

“I think you do,” Mark teased.

“We’re still figuring it out, I guess,” Renjun relented awkwardly. Mark chuckled softly, clearly amused. Renjun sighed and asked, “What?”

“No, just… you’re cute,” Mark grinned. “I don’t think you were this nervous when you first met Yukhei.”

Yukhei was Renjun’s ex boyfriend in university, an exchange student from Hongkong. Mark was the one who introduced them, since Yukhei was his classmate back then. They tried to make it work for a few months after Yukhei went back to Hongkong, but they were too young and impatient, so they broke up after dating for a little more than a year.

“Yeah, well, I’m not friends with Yukhei for ten years,” Renjun scoffed.

“Is that why you’re so nervous?” Mark raised his eyebrows. “I thought it should be more comfortable with a friend.”

“It’s just… there are more things at stake, you know. What if it doesn’t work out?” Renjun frowned, letting his worries seeped through the crack in his defense.

“Don’t look at it like that, man. I think you two are good together. Jeno clearly likes you a lot. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you for the whole day,” Mark flailed his hand around to prove his point. “I mean, you told me you ended it in the morning, then you were kissing by night. So I think you two did something right, at least.”

All his words vanished from his thought, only flutters remained. The fact that their feelings for each other were so obvious from an outside perspective was just too embarrassing to find out.

“Okay,” Renjun managed to croak out.

“Just trust him and yourself, too, for that matter.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Mark smiled with satisfaction, like he wanted to pat himself in the back for talking some sense into Renjun. What a dork, Renjun thought fondly.

Mark dropped Renjun off in front of his building a few hours later. It felt weird to come home to an empty studio after being around Mark and Jeno for two whole days. He collapsed on the bed, knowing he should change his clothes but too lazy to move. He pulled out his phone instead and called Jeno. He picked on the first ring.

“Hi, babe,” Jeno chirped happily. “Did you arrive?”

“Yeah, just got here,” Renjun answered. The pet name was bearable now that he was the only one who could hear it.

“You sound so tired.”

“A bit, yeah. I’ll get some sleep after this,” Renjun said. “What are you doing right now?”

“Playing a game.”

“Should I hang up?” Renjun offered, knowing Jeno didn’t like to be disturbed when he was playing a game.

“No!” Jeno hurriedly protested. “I’m using airpods, it’s fine.”

“So I told Mark I used to like him on the way,” Renjun told him nonchalantly.

“How did that go?” Jeno snickered.

“Fine, like it only lasted ten seconds before we started talking about you,” Renjun summed up his conversation with Mark vaguely.

“Oh yeah? What did you say to him?” Jeno seemed to be more interested in that topic.

“I’ll tell you later,” Renjun snorted.

“Why?” Jeno whined.

“Patience.”

“You remember the last time you said that to me?” Jeno taunted. Of course Renjun remembered. It happened on the very bed he was lying on now. “When it comes to you, patience is always rewarding, right?”

“Stop saying things like that!” Renjun groaned, making Jeno laugh out loud. At this point, Renjun was sure Jeno deliberately said corny things like that just to watch his reaction.

Jeno’s laughter slowly died down and Renjun could hear the faint click click sound of the keyboard, the familiar sound Renjun used to hear coming out of his room when they were still living in the same house.

“Renjun-ah…”

“Yeah?”

“Can I come see you in Seoul, even if I don’t have to meet any client?” Jeno asked. Renjun covered the speaker on his phone with his palm and muffled his squeal with his pillow. Lee Jeno really would be the death of him.

“Yeah, sure,” Renjun answered after he regained his composure.

“Maybe two weeks after this, is that okay?”

“It’s okay.”

“You should get some sleep, then. We’ll talk later.”

“Okay.”

“Good night, babe.”

“Good night, Jen.”

Renjun put down his phone and screamed into the pillow one more time. A couple of deep breaths later, he finally got up and walked into the bathroom. Hot shower would be perfect to calm his nerves.

***

Donghyuck (11:24 PM) : What the fuck is going on with you and Jeno and why I’m the last one to hear about it??

Renjun (07:05 AM) : Thank God I wasn’t awake for that

Donghyuck (12:24 PM) : You didn’t answer my question

Donghyuck (12:25 PM) : Also how tf you wake up so early?

Renjun (12:30 PM) : Don’t believe what Jaemin says

Donghyuck (12:35 PM) : Ok that’s it. Me and Jaemin are coming to your place tonight

Renjun (12:36 PM) : Why tho? Go harass Jeno instead

Donghyuck (12:37 PM) : Well you’re the one living in Seoul so you’re getting the honor

Donghyuck (12:37 PM) : Congratulations :D

***

“Hi, bitch,” Donghyuck smirked as soon as Renjun opened the door for him. Renjun rolled his eyes as he held the door open for Donghyuck and Jaemin. The two of them waltzed in, carrying a box of fried chicken and bottles of beer.

“How come you’re in Seoul?” Renjun asked Donghyuck. He had been working freelance as a fashion design consultant for local brands in Jeju for the past three years.

“I’m going to graduate school, Renjun-ah, come on, keep up,” Donghyuck clicked his tongue impatiently. Renjun vaguely remembered that Donghyuck mentioned it when they met in Chenle’s place.

“Right, sorry,” Renjun grinned. He watched Jaemin and Donghyuck getting comfortable on the carpet, quickly providing cutleries and dishes so they wouldn’t make a mess.

“Wait, are you looking for a place?” Renjun suddenly asked.

“Yeah, I’m staying with my parents now and my little brother is driving me crazy, good god,” Donghyuck shook his head.

“Do you want to move in here? I still have a couple of months left.”

“I mean, yeah, sure…” Donghyuck looked around the studio and nodded. “It’s pretty close to the campus too.”

“Deal then,” Renjun grinned, glad to solve one of his many problems at the moment. He poured each of them a glass of beer and they clinked their glasses together before starting to drink.

“So?” Jaemin threw a glance at Renjun, coaxing him to talk. They really wouldn’t waste any time, huh?

It was easy to deny everything via texts, but Renjun could not lie right in their face. Jaemin and Donghyuck were the closest people he could call bestfriends—or soulmates, depend on the days.

Sure, Renjun was close to all six of his friends, but it was different with these two. They had witnessed some of his most vulnerable moments, providing shoulders to lean on every time he fell apart and showing up first to pick him back up. So there was no point of keeping up the lies, they already saw through him. They always did. 

“Start from the beginning,” Donghyuck ordered.

“Yeah, well, you know Jeno had been coming to Seoul a lot lately,” Renjun started, fiddling with his chopsticks instead of looking at the two. “We got drunk on my birthday and we hooked up.”

Donghyuck whistled while Jaemin started giggling. Renjun sighed deeply.

“Kinda hurt that you won’t hook up with us, but you’re willing to do it with Jeno,” Donghyuck clutched his shirt over his heart, faking heartache.

“He said the sex is amazing,” Jaemin told Donghyuck, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yah!” Renjun scowled.

“I mean, Jeno is always great in bed, even back then,” Donghyuck nodded in agreement. The fact that both of them already had sex with Jeno way before him felt so weird and a little maddening. He stopped himself—he couldn’t believe he was jealous with both of his bestfriends.

“Please I don’t want to know,” Renjun groaned.

“Dude, have some respect, he’s Injun’s boyfriend now,” Jaemin clicked his tongue jokingly.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Renjun sighed.

“Not yet,” Jaemin chuckled.

“Anyway, continue,” Donghyuck gestured to Renjun.

“Yeah, so we hooked up everytime he came to Seoul after that,” Renjun carried on, “We only did it for, like, once a month so I thought it’ll be fine. I can keep it casual. 

“But then, Mark offered me the project and I have to move to Sinwon. I’ll probably see Jeno a lot more often if we live in the same town, so I got scared and I tried to end it. But Jeno wouldn’t let me and he was so persistent about it…”

“Yeah, how so?” Jaemin raised his eyebrows, fishing for details. Renjun was about to combust with embarrassment.

“You don’t need to know about that…” Renjun murmured.

“Oh my god,” Donghyuck raised his hand over the mouth, half giddy, half cringing at the thought. “I can’t believe you’re blushing while talking about Jeno, what the fuck…”

Renjun looked up to the ceiling, taking a couple of deep breaths, while Jaemin cuddled up to him and cooed over his flustered state.

“You two will be so cute together, I just know it!” Jaemin practically squealed at the thought.

“So you're not just hooking up, you guys are, like, dating now?” Donghyuck asked the important question. 

“No, not yet…” Renjun answered quickly. “I mean… honestly, I’m still scared and Jeno knows that, so I think he's taking it slow. For me.”

Jaemin squealed again.

“But, you do like him?” Donghyuck asked. 

Renjun paused for a second before admitting shyly, “Yeah”, definitely red in the face now. Jaemin was swooning, judging by the muffled squee behind him.

“And Jeno likes you too?”

“I hope so.”

“What are you so scared about, then?” Jaemin asked, genuinely baffled. “Jeno’s like the nicest person ever, he won’t hurt you.”

“Dude, I’m the problem. What if I hurt him?” Renjun wailed. All his worries just flooded through his crumbling defense now that he finally bared himself open. “Like, he’s so earnest and affectionate and I’m…”

“What?” Jaemin challenged, raising his eyebrows.

“I don’t know, man. I feel like a coldhearted bitch every time I’m with him.”

“I think that’s why he’s good for you. He’ll melt your ice cold heart,” Donghyuck snorted.

“But I don’t think I’m good for him,” Renjun frowned.

“Injun-ah, stop,” Jaemin chided gently. “You might not be as expressive as he is, but that doesn’t mean you’re cold. I know for a fact that you’re kind and you care a lot about people around you. Give yourself some credit.”

“Also Jeno knew all that already, you’ve been friends for ten years,” Donghyuck said it like it was obvious, which of course, was objectively true. Still, Renjun just couldn’t help worrying.

“I just…” Renjun sighed, scratching his forehead as he struggled to explain himself. “I almost lost Mark, because I liked him. I don’t want the same thing to happen with Jeno.”

“Dude, Mark is straight!” Donghyuck groaned in disbelief.

“That’s not the point. I meant, as soon as I got scared, I ran away and I let us grow apart,” Renjun said.

“You said you tried to end it, but Jeno wouldn’t let you and you caved in, right? You didn’t run away. I think that says a lot, already,” Jaemin smiled kindly.

“Yeah, it’s true…” Renjun relented weakly.

“Also you know we’ll literally kill you if you break Jeno’s heart, right?” Donghyuck casually threw a threat with an innocent smile.

“Yah…” Jaemin gave Donghyuck a warning look.

“Well, if something goes wrong, I’m definitely on Jeno’s side,” Donghyuck shrugged.

“Thanks, man,” Renjun deadpanned.

“Don’t overthink it, Injun-ah. Just be honest and, you know, let him in. That’s the only thing you need to do,” Jaemin advised. “You know each other well already and the feelings are mutual, so it should be easy, right?”

“It’s easier said than done, but I get what you meant,” Renjun sighed, suddenly feeling very tired.

“I mean, Jeno literally told me that,” Jaemin grinned.

“What?” Renjun furrowed his eyebrows together, annoyed. 

“He told me about you guys, after you left Sinwon,” Jaemin said nonchalantly.

“Why did you make me talk about all this, then?” Renjun whined.

“Just want to hear from your perspective,” Jaemin shrugged.

“I can’t believe no one told me!! Even Mark knew before me, what the fuck??” Donghyuck complained one more time.

“Did you guys talk about us?” Renjun asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, we kinda made a group chat without you two,” Jaemin giggled. Renjun should have known, really. All of them were meddling little shits and they would be extra annoying now that two of them were involved.

“Poor Lee Mark is traumatized,” Donghyuck shook his head in fake sympathy. “And he’ll be third-wheeling you two the whole time you’re staying in Sinwon.”

“He’d find a girl over there in no time,” Renjun scoffed.

“So when are you going to move there?” Jaemin asked.

“About a month from now.”

“Aren’t you going to visit Jeno before that?” Jaemin smirked teasingly.

“No, he’s coming here,” Renjun tried to be casual about it, but Jaemin’s squeal just made it so awkward for him.

“Can I come watch? I promise I’ll be quiet,” Jaemin pleaded with the same enthusiasm of a kid asking for a new toy.

“No way,” Renjun scoffed.

“Why?” Jaemin whined.

“I want to keep it between me and him first, okay? Sue me,” Renjun stuck out his tongue childishly.

“Aw,” Jaemin cooed while Donghyuck faked gagging in front of them.

“Anyway, when are you going to introduce your model girlfriend to us?” Renjun smoothly changed the topic, pointedly looking at Jaemin in retaliation. The other man narrowed his eyes and shook his head incredulously.

“Why the fuck no one told me anything!!” Donghyuck grumbled for the nth time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> Suwol Valley is based on Sembalun Village at the foot of Mount Rinjani in Lombok Island, Indonesia. It's a really beautiful and serene place.


	3. Suwol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I expected because I was really busy with work last week and I didn't write as much as I planned to. Also I kept changing my mind with the direction of this chapter 😂. It had been really hard to tie up this story nicely, maybe because I really chapter 2 and everything else is shittier by comparison, but also because I don't want to rush Renjun and Jeno's relationship but I don't want to drag it too long either haha.
> 
> I'm rambling. Anyway, I settled with this one. I hope the whole chapter wasn't too cheesy 🙃
> 
> It's unbetaed as usual haha. Tried to spell check everything myself, hope it was enough. I probably will look back at this later, but right now I just want to get this over with. So here goes

Renjun and Mark kept working through their design every night in the following weeks. They bounced design ideas with each other. They set up a pinterest board together with a lot of design inspirations—right now they were leaning toward a modernized hanok aesthetic. They sketched, drew, then built the 3D model of the guesthouse to aid their design process.

It was almost like Renjun went back to his university days with the hours of work he pulled each day—and no real boundaries between work and personal life since they worked in Renjun’s place most of the time. However, instead of going to class in the morning, he went to work on a real job.

Sometimes Jeno joined the discussion via video call, but he rarely stayed as late as them—apparently since he started working in the workshop as early as eight in the morning most of the time. 

“Go to sleep, babe, you’ll get sick this way,” Jeno always reminded him.

“I will soon,” Renjun always lied in return.

Funnily enough, Renjun did get sick because he was almost 30 years old and his body didn’t bounce back right away after several sleepless nights in a row like it used to ten years ago. He woke up one morning with fever, runny nose and a coughing fit.

“Why? Aren’t you going to work?” Jeno asked when Renjun called him just because he wanted to hear his voice.

“I called in sick,” Renjun said, then proceeded to cough for a whole minute.

“Yah…” Jeno sighed heavily. Renjun knew the words ‘I told you so’ already on the tip of his tongue.

“I know…” Renjun grimaced back.

“How are you feeling?” Jeno asked gently.

“Bad. I have a fever,” Renjun allowed himself to whine. “I want to sleep but I can’t stop coughing.”

“Did you eat?”

“I did.”

“Take medicine.”

“Already did.”

When Jeno didn’t say anything, Renjun finally managed to tell him what he called him for, “I miss you.”

Jeno stayed quiet for a few seconds and Renjun almost cringed with embarrassment, before he finally said softly, “Me too.”

Suddenly there was a catch in his throat that had nothing to do with his illness and when Renjun opened his mouth to say something, his voice came out strained like he was about to cry, “I can’t wait to see you.” 

_I want you to hold me to sleep_ , Renjun wanted to tell him instead.

“Three more days,” Jeno murmured. Renjun hummed.

“You’ll be here Friday?”

“Yeah, I’ll get there in the afternoon.”

“I’ll be at work then, just let yourself in later, okay?”

“Are you giving me your passcode?” Jeno asked in surprise. 

Renjun just realized he never did give the code to his studio since he was always home when Jeno arrived—or was it Jeno who conveniently timed his arrival to fit around Renjun’s work hours. By the sound of his voice, Jeno was pretty excited about it, even though It wasn’t a big deal for him. Maybe it was for Jeno.

“Yeah,” Renjun said. “It’s 0228.”

“Whose birthday is that?”

“No, it’s my graduation date.”

The ominous date. The day his parents abandoned him—or the day he became independent, if he wanted to put it nicely. He didn’t mean to use that particular date, but it was the only number seared in his brain other than his own birthday and he can’t use his own birthday for obvious reasons.

“You should have used another date,” Jeno said.

“Nah, I’m moving out soon anyway,” Renjun scoffed. He could hear someone talking to Jeno on the other end.

“I have to go,” Jeno told him.

“Okay.”

“Take a lot of rest, okay? I’ll call you later,” Jeno whispered. He didn’t call him babe in front of other people, Renjun noticed.

“Okay. Bye, Jen.”

“Bye.”

Jeno hung up the phone unceremoniously and Renjun was annoyed even though he knew he should not take it to heart. He sighed and got up to make himself a pot of jasmine tea, before sitting on the bed to rest again. His phone pinged with a notification for a text from Mark. 

Mark (10:11AM): Renjun-ah, did you do the lobby design? I want to revise the facade

Renjun (10:11AM): Go ahead, hyung. I haven’t done it, I have a fever so I’m resting

Mark (10:12AM): You’re sick too? I had a fever yesterday

Renjun (10:13AM): And you still work yesterday? You should rest hyung

Mark (10:13AM): I did, I slept for 12 hours, then worked the other 12

Renjun (10:14AM): Oh so this is what Jeno felt when he kept nagging me to rest

Mark (10:15AM): Jesus, bragging much?

Mark (10:15AM): I wish I have someone to nag me like that

Renjun (10:15AM): HAHAHAHA

Renjun (10:15AM): Sorry hyung

***

Renjun couldn’t wait to meet Jeno when he came to Seoul on Friday, but life decided to fuck him over and set a deadline for his project in MAPS on the same day. Jeno arrived early in the evening and let himself into his studio, while he worked overtime in his office. When he finally got home just before midnight, Jeno was sleeping with the television still on.

Renjun put down his bag and turned off the television before sitting on the floor by the bed. “Jen…” He touched his cheek gently to wake him up. Jeno’s eyelids fluttered as he struggled to wake up.

“Sorry, I’m so late,” Renjun murmured. Jeno shook his head slightly.

“It’s fine...” Jeno said, voice still heavy with sleep. How come any person on this earth be this beautiful, Renjun wondered as he watched Jeno’s face. He was devastatingly handsome, even while he was half asleep. 

“Come to bed, baby,” he urged, eyes disappeared again into two lines as his lips curved into a smile.

“Let me take a shower first.”

“Okay.” Jeno closed his eyes again.

Renjun took his time washing up all the weariness in his body with a steaming hot shower. He felt calm and relaxed when he came out of the bathroom. Jeno was lying on his side, watching him with a smile on his face, then rolled over to give him enough space on the bed. 

The arms wrapped around him, the warmth of his body, the faint smell of lemongrass clung to Jeno’s skin, Renjun revelled in every single thing greedily. He nestled up his face on the crook of Jeno’s neck and sighed softly.

“Do you miss me?” Jeno whispered. 

“Of course,” Renjun murmured. Jeno tilted his head down and leaned closer to kiss him, but Renjun turned his face away.

“Why?” Jeno whined.

“I still have a cold,” Renjun explained.

“It’s fine,” Jeno assured him. “I never got sick anyway.”

“Wait…” Renjun tried again, but Jeno ignored him and latched their lips together anyway. 

Lips parting, tongue dancing, bodies pressed closed together. A caress on the neck and Jeno sighed into his mouth, clearly enjoying it. Jeno tilted his head down and planted a chaste kiss on his neck. A moan almost escaped his mouth before he bit his own lips to stop it.

“Wait, wait…” Renjun put a hand in his shoulder instead.

“What?” Jeno frowned. Renjun couldn’t hold it in and actually coughed right onto Jeno’s face. Jeno could only blink a couple of times in shock.

“That’s why I told you to wait!” Renjun snapped.

“Okay…” Jeno pulled away from him and lay on his back.

“Sorry, Jen.” Renjun took some tissues and wiped Jeno’s face with them. The low rumble of Jeno’s laughter shook his entire body and Renjun laughed along with him, peppering light kisses on his face.

“I thought you’ve got better already, it’s been almost a week,” Jeno huffed.

“Yeah, it’s because all the overtime,” Renjun sighed. He really couldn’t wait for his last day in the office. His body was almost at its limit for the amount of work he pulled the last two weeks.

“You still worked until late night?” Jeno asked in disbelief, raising up and holding himself by the elbow to look at Renjun properly. “Yah, you were sick, I told you to take a rest.”

No pet name when he was annoyed, Renjun noted again in his mind. It was ‘ _yah’_ now.

“It’s for my work at the office, I can’t exactly say no,” Renjun shrugged.

“You can tell them you’re sick,” Jeno furrowed his eyebrows together with worry.

“But then the rest of my team would have to do my share of work,” Renjun pouted. “It was just a cold, Jen, and I already called in sick for a day.”

“You know it’s weird that you insist on working while you’re sick. You wouldn’t be as productive anyway, might as well take a rest,” Jeno scoffed.

Now, Renjun started to get annoyed. It was easy for Jeno to say that, since his family owned his place of work. He could practically do anything he wanted and no one would bat an eye for it.

“Jen, I’m just an employee, I can’t do whatever I want,” Renjun tried really hard to not roll his eyes.

“Well, neither can your employer, you know.” Jeno was the one who rolled his eyes.

“You know that because you’re an employer yourself, huh?” Renjun asked, putting no effort to conceal the annoyance in his voice.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeno raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, the next time my boss asks me to do overtime, I’ll just say no,” Renjun quipped sarcastically. “No big deal.”

A few seconds pause could really benefit him, but he got too worked up too fast, like he always did. Words came out of his mouth before he could process them properly in his mind. Words used as weapons, designed to inflict as much guilt as possible. 

“I’m sorry for not having the guts to stand up for myself,” Renjun kept going, poison seeped into his words, out of control.

“Do you have to say it like that?” Jeno frowned. “I was just worried about you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to be so condescending about it,” Renjun snapped. “Do you think I don’t already know all of that myself? I’m the one living through it everyday.”

“I know…” Jeno tried to explain himself, but Renjun wouldn’t let him finish.

“I know it’s bad but why bother making fuss about it when I’m leaving the job soon anyway? I just need to endure it for two more weeks.” 

Renjun sighed and looked away to take a deep breath and calm himself down. He knew more than anyone, his situation wasn’t ideal, but that was exactly the reason he actively tried to change it. With the end already in sight, Renjun wouldn’t let it bother him any longer. He wished Jeno would just see it. 

The rustle of the sheet told him Jeno shifted closer to console him. He felt a hand on his shoulder, a gentle touch to soothe him.

“I’m sorry, babe, I didn’t mean it like that,” Jeno caved in easily. “You’re right, I was being a jerk.”

“It’s fine, I’m sorry I got too worked up,” Renjun murmured, finally turning around and letting Jeno pull him inside his arms. Jeno leaned down and placed a kiss on top of his head.

“You’re just too tired, let’s get some sleep first, okay?” Jeno whispered.

“We haven’t seen each other in two weeks and the first thing we did was fight,” Renjun sighed.

 _Not even officially dating and already fighting_ , Renjun thought ironically.

“Our first fight,” Jeno chuckled.

“Nah, you remember when we fought about your hoodie back in the day?” Renjun reminisced about their university days. They all fought about chores a lot in the first year they lived together. Renjun was in charge of the laundry and he ruined Jeno’s favourite white t-shirt by accidentally mixing it in with the colored clothes.

“Yeah, you literally made me cry.”

“Who the fuck cried over a t-shirt? Only you, Jen,” Renjun teased, chuckling. Jeno huffed but made no effort to defend himself. It was actually kinda cute, because Jeno cried every time he was angry—the only time he cries, basically. 

“That was like the only time we fought, right?”

“Yeah, we always got along pretty well.”

“I got along with everyone.” Jeno shrugged smugly.

It was true. Jeno generally minded his own business and was always ready to yield even in the slightest confrontation, especially with the one he cared about. Renjun, on the other hand, lived and breathed in confrontation, never hesitated to state his opinion even if the other party didn’t agree with him—or rather he even preferred that particular situation. 

What if they only started to fight now, after ten years of peace? That would be funny, Renjun mused inside his head.

“Okay, sleep now,” Jeno patted the back of his head, lulling him to sleep. The noises in his head calmed down into static as he snuggled up to Jeno. His fatigue finally caught up to him and slumber took over his body.

***

For the first time this week, Renjun woke up without a headache and runny nose. Maybe because he finally had enough rest to actually get better.

No one made a move to get out of the bed, even though both of them were wide awake already, still cuddling, limbs tangled around each other. Renjun was aware of every single inch of Jeno’s skin against his, the soft caress of his fingers.

The temptation of his touch filled Renjun’s thought, how good he could make him feel, how he could fill him. The memory of their last rendezvous on this very bed seduced him with the promise of something more, something they could do right now.

What was he waiting for anyway? Sex wasn’t going to change anything between them. If anything, it would just fasten the process of them getting closer. They were pretty much in it together already anyway. 

Or maybe he was just horny.

“Jen…”

“Hm?”

Renjun cupped both of Jeno’s cheeks and planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Jeno took a second look when he saw the different glint in his eyes. As if he didn’t want to spook him, Jeno didn’t say anything to acknowledge it and just leaned in for another kiss. Slow and sensual, more lips than tongues. 

His hands travelled from his arms, to his waist, then inside his shirt, casually stroking his stomach, rubbing his nipple. Renjun moaned into his mouth, eyelids heavy with lust as he let Jeno lift him up and situated him on top. 

Glancing down at Jeno, wet lips and dark eyes, Renjun started to regret kissing him like this. Has anything even changed since Renjun ended their casual arrangement and Jeno asked him to not push him away? Sure, they talked more now and they were a little bit more open with each other, but was it enough?

“You have to tell me what you want, baby,” Jeno said gently.

“I don’t know…” Renjun sighed and bent down to lay on top of him. His head rested on Jeno’s chest and he could hear the frantic beats of Jeno’s heart. Jeno’s half hard length pressed against his stomach. He wasn’t that far behind himself, yet doing something about it didn’t feel right.

“Don’t rush this,” Jeno whispered. “It’s fine, I can wait.”

 _Am I even worth the wait?_ Renjun asked himself.

They didn’t move for a while. Renjun curled up to him and Jeno stroked his back soothingly. Staying in bed like this for the whole weekend suddenly didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“Can we have pancakes for brunch?” Jeno asked.

“Yeah, but I need to do some work first,” Renjun tilted his chin up to take a look at Jeno. “Is that okay?”

“Can’t we eat first at least?” Jeno frowned.

“Okay,” Renjun agreed quickly to avoid upsetting Jeno. “We can go out for a movie later, what do you think?”

“Sounds great.”

“I’m making tea, do you want some?” Renjun asked, finally climbing off of him.

“Sure.”

Renjun walked over to the kitchen and set up the kettle on the stove, before washing his face and brushing his teeth in the bathroom. 

The kettle whistled loudly and Renjun briskly walked to the kitchen to turn off the stove, before pouring the boiling water over the tea leaves. The exquisite aroma of jasmine filled the room, relaxing and calming.

Renjun brought the mugs to the bed, handing one to Jeno before snuggling up to him as he took a sip of the tea. 

“You know, I always associate jasmine with you,” Jeno said before he brought his mug to his lips, his pinky raised as a habit. “Even before this…” he gestured around both of them vaguely.

Jeno gulped down his tea to avoid the awkwardness of trying to address what was going on between them. The silence that followed was agonizing, but Renjun just let it settle in the air as he sipped his tea.

“Of course, you do,” Renjun smiled slightly, relieving Jeno out of his misery. “Honestly, I will throw a fit if you smell jasmine and remember someone else.”

“Possessive much?” Jeno teased. Renjun didn’t grace him with an answer.

After washing up and changing clothes, they headed to Abba Cafe for pancakes, walking hand in hand until they ran into a stranger and they hurriedly let go.

Rewarding himself with fluffy pancakes and coffee felt so good after an exhausting week. Renjun chose blueberry cheese topping and hummed along the song excitedly as he cut into his pancake. The playlist in Abba today was filled with the songs from the band the cafe was named after—he recognized the songs from the film Mamma Mia.

“What do you want to watch?” Jeno asked.

“Kim Ji Young, Born in 1982,” Renjun answered without hesitation. He had been wanting to see the controversial film since it came out, but he hadn’t exactly had enough time to go before. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeno nodded readily. Renjun beamed and pulled his phone out to buy tickets right away. In the group, Renjun was the self-appointed cinephile and always the loudest when it came to deciding a film to watch. 

“I heard it’s really good,” Renjun said.

“I heard it’s sad,” Jeno grinned. “Bring some tissues with you.”

Renjun didn’t have any come back, because he knew he would definitely cry during the movie. There was no shame in that, Renjun thought. It was weird to not cry during a sad movie. Jeno never did. Heartless weirdo.

Back in his place, Renjun set up his workstation on the carpet, while Jeno sat beside him, playing KartRider on his phone. With the project pinterest board open on his laptop screen, Renjun started sketching the lobby design roughly.

“Jen…” Renjun called.

“Hm?” Jeno hummed.

“I want to use the laminated bamboo for a wall panel, what do you think?” Renjun showed him his sketch. The same bamboo pattern Jeno designed, on the wall behind the receptionist desk in the lobby, but instead of different colors, Renjun used different angles of the bamboo pieces to create the checkered pattern.

“Wait…” Jeno paused his game and looked at his sketch. “Oh, yeah, different angles is a great solution.”

“Also, it’s just a decorative piece, so it doesn’t have to be as strong as it was for the furniture.”

“Yeah, it can work well. I’ll incorporate your idea for the furniture as well.”

Renjun snapped a picture of his sketches and sent it to Mark to review. He then opened the 3D model file both Mark and him were working on, checking their progress. Jeno hooked his chin on his shoulder, watching from the side. Renjun had to use both hands to work on the 3D model, but Jeno reached over and intertwined their fingers together.

“Yah…” Renjun warned. Jeno just giggled but didn’t let go. He wrapped his arm around Renjun’s waist instead, making Renjun let out an exaggerated sigh. “Lee Jeno.”

“Why?” Jeno murmured into his neck. The hum of his voice tickled his sensitive skin.

“Go to bed and play your game,” Renjun told him.

“Why is your laptop so slow?” Jeno ignored him. He turned the laptop around and saw the familiar sticker of the Design Student Association on the back. Jeno designed the sticker back in their university days. “Yah, you’re still using the same laptop all this time?”

“Yeah, why?” Renjun scoffed sheepishly.

“You should change it to a newer model so you can work faster,” Jeno said.

It was true that his laptop kept lagging every time he opened the 3D model software. He didn’t think he could even render 3D pictures with this laptop. The thought of changing it never came to mind because he never needed it before. He could always use the high end computers at MAPS to design before. With his own project to work on—and no company resources at his expense—he probably needed one now.

“Yeah, maybe I should,” Renjun murmured.

Jeno climbed up to the bed. The generic game tunes started playing in the background and Renjun went back to work. Mark called not long after, telling him the list of things they had to prioritize. The architecture portion of the design for the initial concept was almost finished. 

Mark started the rendering for 3D pictures so they could present the design to the owner—which was Johnny and his parents. Thankfully, Renjun didn’t have to finish his portion of work for the presentation. The architecture concept had to be approved first for that.

Then they switched to video call to talk about Renjun’s sketch. Mark squinted his eyes, recognizing the shape of someone’s legs behind Renjun.

“Is that Jeno?” Mark asked.

“Yeah, hyung,” Jeno chimed from the bed. He didn’t even bother to show his face. 

“Yah, come to the phone,” Mark said. Jeno got off the bed and grinned at Mark as he curled up to Renjun like a cat, arms around his waist, head resting on the shoulder. It was one thing to do it in private, but doing it in front of other people just made Renjun’s skin crawl.

“Yah…” Renjun tried to push him away.

“Why?” Jeno faked pouting.

Mark didn’t even comment on it, just sighed and proceeded to start the discussion about the interior design concept. Renjun didn’t want to go to the minimalist route with just white and wood, he wanted traditional Korean colors, vibrant and warm. He thought the colors will complement the natural materials nicely. No objection from Mark and Jeno, so Renjun will go ahead with it. 

“Do you still need to work?” Jeno asked after Mark hung up the phone.

“Let me finish the moodboard first, then we can go out.”

After Renjun was finished, they took the train to the mall and went straight to the cinema. It was the mall close to their university, the one they frequented a lot all those years ago.

“Whoa, I haven’t been here in a really long time,” Jeno chimed, looking around the atrium as they boarded the escalator. “I used to come here for almost all my dates.”

“With Doyoon hyung?” Renjun tried, mentioning Jeno’s ex boyfriend.

“Doyoung,” Jeno corrected him, chuckling. He threw a glance at Renjun, then adding with a smirk on his face, “And now you too, I guess.”

It was still awkward to even acknowledge their relationship, especially because they hadn’t actually addressed it. Renjun was in no hurry to talk about it, though. He figured he would just wait until he moved to Sinwon.

“Right,” Renjun looked the other way. Jeno didn’t even hide his smile as he placed his hand at the small of Renjun’s back when they arrived at the cinema floor.

The film started with a seemingly boring sequence of the main character doing the household chores, but it got progressively more frustrating from there as the film depicted the struggle women faced in Korean society, with pressure from all sides, from their bosses at work to their own families.

Renjun was straight up sobbing by the climax of the film as all the pressures drove the main character absolutely off the wall until she lost all sense of herself, to the point she needed therapy to heal. Jeno held his shoulders and let him cry into his chest, while he stroked his hair gently.

Thankfully the film ended on a hopeful note. Honestly, he couldn’t handle it if the lady continued to suffer under the patriarchy, even if she was fictional. 

“Are you okay?” Jeno asked when the film ended.

“Yeah,” Renjun answered, starting to feel embarrassed because he grieved a little too much for a fictional character. He stopped by the bathroom before they left to wash his face before he embarrassed himself further. 

“So you love the film?” Jeno asked while they walked back to the station. 

“I do,” he grimaced sheepishly. It was eye-opening, especially as a man. He could only wonder how much suffering women endured without the other half of the population even noticed.

“I didn’t know women had it that bad here,” Jeno sighed solemnly. 

“I know,” Renjun sighed.

The mood between them was down so they went for ice cream to cheer themselves up and walked to the nearby park to enjoy it under the sunny weather. They sat on the steps facing the river, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Renjun’s phone chimed with a call from Mark and Renjun had to put down his ice cream to pick it up.

“Yeah, hyung?”

“Yah, I’ve been texting you, where have you been?” Mark asked urgently.

“I went to see a movie with Jeno,” Renjun said. “Sorry.”

“Right, sorry to bother you, but do you have the contour line drawing for the land? I can’t find it anywhere.”

“Yeah, it’s in your google drive. I think it’s in the existing drawings folder? Let me find the link first.”

His eyes fell on Jeno who definitely looked annoyed, furrowed eyebrows and all. “Seriously?” Jeno muttered to him while he could only grimace apologetically.

“I’ll text you the link,” Renjun told him.

“Also, did you do the lobby design?”

“I did, but it’s not finished yet. I thought I sent the update to the server?”

“It’s not here…”

“I’ll upload it once I get home.”

“Hyung, we’re on a date, stop bothering Renjun,” Jeno suddenly said to the phone.

“Okaay, sorry,” Mark chuckled on the other side. “Can I talk to Jeno though?”

Renjun gave the phone to Jeno so they could work out the time they would leave for Sinwon the next day. Jeno ended the call and gave Renjun his phone back. They sat in silence for a while, enjoying the view and the gentle breeze.

“Will you miss Seoul?” Jeno suddenly asked. 

The thought hadn’t even crossed Renjun’s mind before. Seoul was never sentimental for him. The good memories he would like to reminisce were long gone, replaced by all the hardships he had to withstand for the last five years. From the way, he grabbed the first chance he got to leave the city, he didn’t think he would miss it all that much.

“I don’t think so,” Renjun shrugged. “Did you miss Seoul after you moved back to Sinwon?”

“The city? No,” Jeno scoffed dismissively. “But I did miss you guys. I missed the house too.”

“So you miss the people,” Renjun murmured.

“Yeah, mostly. Also the food delivery app, but mostly the people,” Jeno quipped. Renjun couldn’t help laughing at that, so typical of Jeno to miss the most convenient thing in the city.

“What do you want to eat for dinner? I’ll cook for you,” Renjun offered as they walked back to the subway station later.

“Anything’s fine. Just cook something simple,” Jeno grinned. “I’ll be happy to eat anything you cook.”

“Sure,” Renjun sighed jokingly. 

Renjun decided to go for aglio olio pasta since it would only take ten minutes to cook. They stopped by the supermarket first and went back to his studio, finally hand in hand now that they only passed by quiet residential streets.

Jeno opened the cheap wine they bought as soon as they got home. Renjun didn’t have a wine glass, so they drank out of a mug. Jeno carried the mug for him as he watched Renjun cook behind his back, giving him little sips all through the process. Honestly, it was the cutest domestic shit Renjun had ever experienced and he felt almost giddy about it.

Dinner was a quick affair since they were pretty tipsy already after two whole mugs of wine. After both of their plates were empty, Renjun pushed the table away and clung to Jeno’s body for comfort. Jeno reached out and tilted his chin up so he would look at him.

Renjun was the one who closed the distance between them. Their lips touched, slowly, carefully. He tasted bitter like the wine they both just drank, but his touch was warm and gentle. The way his fingers stroked his cheeks. The way his arm gathered him closer. 

It was almost too much for Renjun. He pulled away to catch his breath and Jeno nudged his forehead with his, keeping eye contact. No words were exchanged but so much was conveyed just through their gaze and lingering touch.

Renjun wanted Jeno with every fiber of his being, yearning for his touch and by the darkened look in Jeno’s eyes, he felt the exact same way. So, Renjun leaned in again, but Jeno put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Renjun-ah,” Jeno shook his head. Renjun whined and climbed onto Jeno’s lap, tilting his head down to plant open mouthed kisses on his neck. Renjun rolled his hips, dragging his half hard length against Jeno’s thigh. 

“Renjun…” Jeno’s voice trembled.

“Come on, you want this too,” Renjun whispered so low to seduce him. Jeno’s breath hitched, but he didn’t cave in. Jeno cupped both of his cheeks instead and gently pulled him away.

The burn of embarrassment was painful to bear, Renjun just wanted to disappear into thin air, rather than having to look Jeno in the eyes. He rolled off of Jeno and went up to the bed, mostly to hide his face. Jeno sat beside him, patting his thigh gently.

“I thought you’re the one who want to put sex off the table,” Jeno said.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know you still won’t do it two weeks later,” Renjun murmured into the pillow. 

“Will you look at me?”

Renjun turned to face him, even if both of his cheeks blushed furiously. Jeno’s eyes softened as he lowered his gaze to look at him, smiling to assure him all the while.

“Should we talk now?” Jeno asked. “I thought I should wait a little longer, I didn’t want to scare you, but…”

Jeno’s voice trailed off, full of hesitation. Renjun sat up and leaned back to the headboard. Jeno reached out for his hand and he took it, watching Jeno’s made circles on the back of his hand.

“You don’t need to keep adjusting yourself with me, Jen, just do whatever you think is right…” Renjun shrugged in his effort to appear nonchalant even though he felt like dying inside.

“I think I already knew we were going to something more than friends the first time we hooked up,” Jeno confessed, making Renjun flustered in return. In hindsight, Renjun should have seen it coming, since Jeno kept ignoring his attempt to establish a distance.

“I never want it to be casual, but you were so adamant about it, so I just went along with it, hoping you would change your mind later,” Jeno looked up to him.

“I did change my mind,” Renjun muttered shyly. Jeno smiled, squeezing his hands gently.

“I know,” Jeno smiled, sending flutters straight to Renjun’s heart. “I don’t know if it was just me, or maybe because we have been friends for a really long time, but it was so easy, you know, to fall for you.”

The way he said it so easily, like it was the most natural thing in the world, made the words even more profound for Renjun. No big events, no speech prepared. The words came from the heart, unguarded and genuine.

“Jeno-yah…” Renjun started, but there was a lump in his throat and tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He didn’t even know what to say, he just couldn’t possibly stay silent after listening to Jeno pouring his heart out in front of him.

“Why are you crying?” Jeno frowned.

“I don’t know,” Renjun said, half crying, half laughing.

“Aigoo,” Jeno snorted, pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. He let Renjun buried his face on his chest and cried to his heart content, patting his back soothingly.

Renjun wished he could be happy like a normal person when someone he liked confessed his feelings to him. A smile or a laugh would be a more appropriate reaction, but he had to cry instead. Maybe because it had been so long since he was at the receiving end of these unbridled affections, that it felt unbelievable and undeserved.

“I’m sorry,” Renjun murmured after he stopped crying. His voice was hoarse and he kept hiccuping after bawling so hard. 

Jeno took a pause. His whole body tensed as he asked, “Why?” 

“I feel like I should’ve said anything but I cried instead,” Renjun said.

“God, you scared me to death, I thought you’re going to reject me,” Jeno collapsed to his side. Renjun chuckled and lay down to face him.

“Don’t think I can let you go now,” Renjun whispered. A soft smile formed slowly on Jeno’s lips as he wiped the trail of tears on Renjun’s cheeks.

“You don’t have to answer right now, Renjun-ah,” Jeno assured him. “I didn’t say all that to pressure you. I just want you to know that I’m serious about this, about you. Okay?”

“Okay…” Renjun wanted to cry again.

“Baby…” Jeno sighed as he gathered Renjun closer. “Don’t cry, you’re breaking my heart here.”

Jeno’s words just made it even worse, honestly. Renjun cried himself to sleep, holding on to Jeno so tightly, too afraid to let go. Jeno watched him with a knot in his stomach, heart aching for everything Renjun had gone through all alone.

“You won’t be alone from now on,” Jeno whispered into the night. Renjun shifted closer, sighing softly.

“I promise.”

***

Renjun still had a few leave days from work and his boss let him resign more than a week earlier than planned so he can use all of them. He didn’t know what to do with this sudden freedom at first. The first thing he did was take a driving lesson. The impulse paid off because he got his license a week later. 

The second thing he did was buy a new laptop. It was a special kind of satisfying, paying almost a million won in full with his own money. The first splurge he allowed himself to indulge in five years. He went home with a really good mood that day.

It didn’t even take Renjun a day to pack up his stuff for his big move to Suwol Valley—kinda fascinating how easy it was for him to detach himself from the studio he had been living in for three years. Maybe because it never felt like home, only a mere shelter.

Donghyuck came in just before lunch with a dozen big boxes. Jaemin, Chenle and Jisung came with him to help with the packing and unpacking, loading and unloading. They spent all their time teasing Jeno and Renjun instead.

“Oh my god,” Chenle exclaimed as he saw Jeno sneakily put his hand low on Renjun’s back while they rode the elevator down to fetch other boxes.

“Get a room, hyung,” Jisung chimed behind him. Renjun groaned and pushed Jeno’s hand away.

When Jeno sat a little too close to Renjun as they helped unpack Donghyuck’s stuff, Jaemin actually snapped a picture of them and sent it to the chat with a comment, ‘Our new couple <3’.

“Na Jaemin!” Renjun warned with narrowed eyes. Jaemin just cackled with mischief and ran outside the studio to escape him.

With seven people to share the work, it really didn’t take long to finish. The studio was already decent enough for their late lunch. They ordered black bean noodles and sweet and sour pork before Renjun, Jeno and Mark left for Sinwon in the afternoon.

The teasings never stopped for the whole day. Even the most innocent touch between Renjun and Jeno could make the other five pounce on the chance to throw suggestive jokes mercilessly.

“I feel like I’m seeing my married sons off,” Jaemin quipped as they waited for the lift. Renjun rolled his eyes, while Jeno only laughed in delight.

“I still can’t believe you’re together, it’s so weird,” Jisung exclaimed when he saw Jeno put his hand on the small of Renjun’s back with practiced ease as they entered the lift. 

“Well, thank God I’m moving, then,” Renjun rolled his eyes.

“How can you stand him, honestly?” Donghyuck asked Jeno.

“I think he’s cute when he’s annoyed,” Jeno shrugged. His corny words barely made Renjun cringe now. He didn’t think he would get immune, but he was getting there. The other guys, on the other hand, still groaned with disgust.

“Gross,” Chenle snorted.

“You’re all just jealous, bitch,” Renjun spatted.

“Please, I’m too young and pretty to commit to one guy,” Donghyuck raised his palm to Renjun dramatically.

Jeno sighed exaggeratedly and walked out of the lift to the parking lot without waiting for them. Mark, Jisung and Chenle followed him to the car to put down boxes they carried.

“I’m glad it worked out, Injun-ah,” Jaemin smiled sweetly.

“Thanks, Jaem,” Renjun grinned.

“Still sad we can never live in the same town at the same time, though,” Donghyuck pouted.

“Come visit us in Sinwon, then.”

“I definitely will.”

They walked him all the way to Jeno’s car, already loaded up all his stuff in the trunk. Everyone gave everyone a tight hug before the three of them got in the car, promising to visit soon.

“Bye, guys!” Renjun waved to them as Jeno drove the car away. Jaemin, Donghyuck, Jisung and Chenle waved back, grinning. “See you soon!”

Renjun leaned back to the seat, smiling to himself. He was glad he had people to see him off and people to travel to the new town with. It would feel too lonely to move out of the city alone.

“Can you play some music?” Jeno asked.

“Okay, wait…”

Oh Hyuk’s sentimental voice filled the car as the busy city passed by the window. The hectic traffic, the people running around the street with so much urgency, the tall buildings, covering up the view to the sky. Will he miss all of these? He probably won’t. The friends he left behind, on the other hand, he would definitely miss.

_I was always awkward with the love my mom always showed_

_Maybe that’s why, things are always so hard_

_Even inside the greed that I was afraid to lose_

_There is a small beauty_

_I’m happy right now, so I’m nervous_

_Because there’s always the calm before the storm_

_Because I don’t want to be set on fire and burn quickly_

_I’m cheering for love_

Renjun leaned back to his seat as they quickly left the overcrowded city behind, smiled to himself when he felt Jeno reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. 

The air was cold and crisp in the mountains. Suwol Valley was just as beautiful as the first time Renjun visited. The row of the mountains and blue sky, the ripened rice paddies, slowly being cultivated, and finally, the pretty house on the slope of the hill.

The wind passed through just as they got out of the car. Renjun shivered and buttoned up his jacket. Fall was approaching a little bit closer up here. Everything was completely new in his life now, even the season.

The hanok was still the same, except for the dirty dishes Mark left behind in the morning. Mark’s laptop, sketchbook and pens were left on the desk in the living room. Renjun forgot how sloppy Mark could be. It wouldn’t happen again under his watch.

The smaller bedroom was Renjun’s. The bed was placed on a small platform on the floor, with a wooden nightstand beside it. A small dresser placed in the corner with a mirror attached to it. Simple and modest, just like the way Renjun likes it. 

One suitcase, one backpack and two boxes containing his books were placed in the corner of his new room. His entire life in four pieces. Renjun sat on the bed and watched them with wistful eyes.

“Do you want to unpack now?” Jeno asked as he stood near the door, watching him.

“No, let’s rest first,” Renjun shook his head. “You just drove 4 hours here, you don’t have to help me unpack.”

“It’s fine,” Jeno smiled. “I made tea, do you want some?”

“Yeah.”

Renjun followed Jeno to the kitchen and poured himself a cup. They went outside and sat on the wooden platform, sipping the tea while watching the hills around them. The sun was setting but the changing colors in the sky were covered by the dark clouds, heavy with incoming rain. It was so quiet, no urban noises Renjun got so used to, just the blow of the wind and the chirps of the birds.

“Can’t believe I live here now,” Renjun chuckled. “I have never lived in the mountains before.”

“You’ll get used to it soon enough.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Renjun threw Jeno a meaningful look and smiled.

“Why?” Jeno asked.

“I mean, you’re here, so it’ll be fine,” Renjun shrugged. “And I can see you everyday now.”

“Yeah…” Jeno’s eyes didn’t leave his face as he gently stroked his cheeks. He started to lean in, but Renjun shook his head.

“Mark can see us…” Renjun frowned.

“He’s sleeping,” Jeno scoffed.

Renjun turned his head toward the house, checking the living room through the open door. No sign of Mark.

“Okay, then,” Renjun cupped both of his cheeks and planted a chaste kiss on his lips. Jeno circled his arm around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I miss you,” Jeno sighed with relief. “I’ve been wanting to do this for the whole day.”

“Me too,” Renjun whispered. They hadn’t seen each other in two weeks, but the whirlwind of the move just blocked them from finding time alone. None of that mattered any longer. They had all the time they needed to be alone now.

“Renjun-ah…”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever wondered what would happen if we started this a long time ago?” Jeno asked.

“Yeah, we would’ve ended it and hated each other by now,” Renjun scoffed. Jeno laughed at the unexpected answer. Renjun laughed along with him, before adding, “I think it happened at the exact right time.”

Any earlier than this, It would not work between them. Renjun had too many issues, too scared to open up to other people. It took a long time for him to build himself from the ground up again after what he went through and just as he was about to add the finishing touches, Jeno came along and carved an irreplaceable place for himself inside Renjun’s heart.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jeno nodded.

Renjun had to tell Jeno about all these overwhelming feelings inside him. He was ready, he had been ready for a long time now.

“Jeno-yah…”

“Yeah?”

Jeno looked up to him, a bit alarmed to see Renjun’s serious expression. “Why?” Jeno asked cautiously.

“I need to tell you something,” Renjun said. 

Jeno put down his cup and turned to face him, as if preparing himself to listen attentively. “What is it?” he asked after he settled.

“You remember I told you it was easier being alone?”

“Yeah.”

“I was serious, you know. Relationships are really hard for me, even more so after what happened with my parents. I just couldn’t bring myself to be vulnerable in front of other people. For five years, all I ever did was build up walls around me to keep everyone away.

“But you just smashed through my walls so easily, without me even realizing it. You’re always there for me, even after I tried to run away from you. I don’t even know why I deserve it, but I’m grateful that you never gave up on me.”

Jeno was smiling then, eyes disappeared into two lines. Renjun reached out for his hand, beaming when Jeno let him clasped their hands together. 

“Maybe…” Renjun gulped down nervously, knowing the big words were coming up and he didn’t want to stammer when he said it. “You make me feel safe and happy everytime we’re together—even when we’re just texting. I will try harder to make this work, make us work, because…” Renjun paused, not for effect, but for his own comfort, “Because I’m in love with you, Lee Jeno.”

“I love you,” Renjun whispered the last word, squeezing Jeno’s hand softly. Jeno didn’t answer. He leaned closer instead, cupping both of Renjun’s cheeks and kissing his lips with such passion, leaving Renjun breathless in the process.

“I’m nowhere near as eloquent as you, but you know I love you too,” Jeno grinned as he pulled Renjun into a tight hug. 

Renjun chuckled softly, feeling the prickle of tears in his eyes as he buried his face on his neck. This time the words, charged with hopes and feelings, felt true. They felt right on his lips and his ears. For the first time, Renjun actually believed Jeno’s words and he could only pray he would deserve them too.

Jeno grinned before pulling him up to his feet and crashing their lips together for an open mouthed kiss, charged with pent-up desire. They mostly had kept their hands off of each other for a month already and today every single restrain would be abandoned.

“Jen…” Renjun gasped.

“Yeah, babe?” Jeno murmured softly.

“Do you… do you want to..?” Renjun stammered through the question and didn’t even manage to ask it properly.

“Yeah, if you want…” Jeno nodded immediately. No need to even elaborate.

“I do,” Renjun nodded firmly. 

Jeno didn’t need any more confirmation. He scooped Renjun’s whole body and lifted him up like he weighed nothing, making him wailed in surprise. The display of casual strength just made Renjun feel even more dizzy with needs. Jeno proceeded to carry him to the bedroom, while Renjun circled his arms around Jeno’s neck and kissed him all the way.

Jeno lay Renjun down on the bed and he pulled him down with him. Jeno bent down, rested his elbows on the bed and licked his way into Renjun’s mouth. A low moan escaped Renjun’s mouth as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss and Jeno inhaled it greedily.

The fleeting feeling built and built in his stomach, tingling and dizzying. This was kissing Jeno felt like, especially when he did with reckless abandon, not holding himself back to be mindful of Renjun’s insecurities. Jeno kissed him like he meant it, like he was enthralled, full of passion.

“Been thinking about this for weeks…” Renjun murmured onto his neck, biting and sucking the soft skin of it. 

“Yeah?” Jeno’s hands slithered smoothly from his back to his thighs, then up again into his ass, gave it a light squeeze. “What did you do when you think about this?”

“Play with myself,” Renjun ghosted over his ear. “Imagining you inside me.”

Honestly, Renjun had never been really vocal in bed. Dirty talk made him feel awkward, instead of sexy, but he felt slightly more desperate tonight and he wanted Jeno to know it.

“Fuck, baby,” Jeno groaned. Without a second to waste, Jeno latched their lips together, devouring him like he needed it to breath. Renjun obliged eagerly, parting his lips open for him for a filthy kiss, more tongue than lips. 

“Off,” Jeno commanded, shucking his shirt up to his chest and Renjun did the rest.

“You too,” Renjun palmed his stomach over his shirt. Jeno smirked and his shirt was discarded in one smooth motion, revealing his toned body, broad shoulders, defined abs, slim waist and Renjun got to witness it up close and personal, with the man straddling him. He could not believe his luck sometimes.

“How come you’re so hot?” Renjun asked in bewilderment. Jeno bursted out laughing and rolled to the side, making Renjun huffed with embarrassment.

“I think you’re the hotter one,” Jeno said. 

“Jen, come on?” Renjun ran his hand over Jeno’s bare chest and abs to prove his point.

“If you say so,” Jeno chuckled as he unbuckled Renjun’s belt and button. Renjun lifted his ass so Jeno could pull both his jeans and briefs down at the same time.

A pleased grin appeared slowly in Jeno’s face, as he palmed his length lazily. Renjun closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure. Finally. 

“You want it that bad?” Jeno teased.

“It’s been a month,” Renjun said matter-of-factly.

“You counted the days?”

“Shut up.” Renjun rolled his eyes, making Jeno giggled.

“Where’s your lube?” Jeno asked.

“In my backpack,” Renjun answered. Jeno crawled to fetch it, grinning as he approached the bed and positioning himself between Renjun’s legs.

“Jen…” Renjun called again.

“Yeah?” Jeno glanced at him, smiling softly.

“I got tested and I’m clean.” It was as expected, since Renjun never slept around anyway. Jeno was the only guy he was intimate with in almost a year.

“Good,” Jeno hummed, took a pillow and placed it under him, spreading his leg open while he was at it. “So am I.”

Jeno bowed down and licked the underside of Renjun’s cock. His breath stuttered and turned into a loud moan as Jeno took him in his mouth, while his fingers, drenched in lube, circled his entrance and pushed in slowly.

“You can’t be too loud, baby. Mark will hear you,” Jeno teased. “These walls are actually paper thin.”

Renjun closed his mouth with his palm, gasping as Jeno sucked him one more time, upping up the intensity for Renjun, then inserting one more finger inside him. It didn’t take much longer to get Renjun rolled his hips to met Jeno midway, fucking himself with his fingers.

“Jen, come on,” Renjun urged impatiently.

“What a needy baby,” Jeno smirked when he finally straightened up, letting him go long enough to rid off the last pieces of the clothing he was wearing.

Renjun watched with wet eyes and heavy breaths as Jeno smothered his rock hard length with lube and lined himself up in front of his rim, groaning as he entered slowly and waited until he got comfortable. 

Jeno gripped his waist, dragging out languidly then slamming himself in, setting a relentless pace from the start and taking Renjun’s breath in the process. No fancy moves, just full of hunger after a month long abstinence.

“Fuck, oh god,” Renjun whined, losing all inhibitions. The feel of Jeno inside him, unconstrained by the layer of latex for the first time, was sinfully delicious, making his head spinned with pleasure. 

“You feel so good, baby,” Jeno murmured. Renjun wasn’t in the right mind to respond with sensible words, he just let out lingering ‘ah’ with every thrust.

“Jen, harder,” Renjun pleaded.

Jeno pounded into him mercilessly, giving him no pause or break. He just pushed and pushed until Renjun felt like he was bursting at the seams. His whole body tingled as if he was on fire and Jeno was the spark that ignited him. Renjun wanted nothing more than to let the flame engulf him and burn.

***

“That was amazing,” Renjun sighed as he pulled Jeno up to him after he finished cleaning them up. 

“Was it worth the wait?” Jeno grinned.

“Yeah,” Renjun giggled.

“Then, the pleasure is all mine, baby,” Jeno grinned and kissed his lips sweetly, before lying down next to him. No one talked for a while, content to just lie there in each other's arms and bask in the afterglow.

“So are we…?” Jeno asked hesitantly. “Are we dating now?”

“I think we had been dating for a while now,” Renjun said lightly. Jeno chuckled, more relieved than anything else.

“I never had it this easy with relationships, you know,” Jeno mused thoughtfully. “Is it because we had been friends for a long time?”

“It wasn’t that easy for me, but yeah, I get what you meant,” Renjun chuckled. “It was just all those little things coming together at the right time, I think.”

Jeno hummed in agreement, stroking Renjun’s hair absentmindedly. The sound of raindrops slowly filled the air like the soundtrack of nature. Renjun curled even closer to Jeno, seeking his warmth to make up for the temperature drop caused by the rain.

“We left the cups outside,” Jeno suddenly remembered.

“We’ll clean up later,” Renjun waved his hand dismissively. “Let’s take a nap first.”

“Sure.”

“You’re spending the night here, right?”

“Of course, you can’t get rid of me now.”

There was no way Renjun let Jeno leave, especially because he already planned to be fucked for the second time later in the night, but he kept it to himself. At least, for now.

“You always smell really good, you know,” Renjun told him as they lay on their sides, facing each other. The lemongrass scent lingering around his body started to smell like home Renjun had always long for.

“Well, now I know,” Jeno grinned.

“Maybe that’s why I always sleep better with you,” Renjun murmured as he closed his eyes, humming as Jeno ran his fingers through his head and planted a gentle kiss on the crown of his head.

“Now I can make it better anytime you want,” Jeno whispered and pulled Renjun close, covering both of them with a blanket. Renjun rested his head on his chest, listening to his reverberating heartbeat, lulling him to sleep.

Staying inside his tiny little bubble for five years, Renjun thought he would be safe and comfortable, but it was no way to live, pushing himself further and further into a corner until he was all alone. He never imagined breaking himself out would bring him more peace and happiness, but here he was, in the arms of a man he loved, working toward a project he was passionate about.

So maybe it was worth all the tears, all the anxieties, because what was life without taking a chance? Even if it came with risks and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/faiczn)


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